High Noon
by BenBunny
Summary: What Bella did before moving to Forks.  My take on her childhood up to the day she moved.
1. Introduction

**A/N: This was my first attempt at writing. I hope you at least get a good laugh, be it from the story or my poor attempt at writing. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight in any way. I just like to visit their world for a little while.**

**Birth Certificate**

For

**Isabella Marie Swan**

Born

**September 13, 1988**

At

**Forks Community Hospital**

Height: 19.2" | Weight: 6lbs & 13oz

_Sunny_

Why my mom wrote sunny on my birth certificate made me wonder, but I guess in Forks, Washington, the rainiest state in the US, it was an important thing to remember. That might be why I live in Phoenix, Arizona now. I love the sun, the light and heat makes me feel all warm inside. I use to visit Forks during the summer to see Charlie, my Dad, but once I got old enough to stand my ground we met in California for my vacation time with him. It wasn't that I didn't like Charlie, just that I hated Forks. Still do, but I will be going back there soon. After years of rain free summers I am going to live out the rest of my high school days in constant cloud cover, fitting my current mood, gloomy.

Packing my cool weather clothes, of which I have very few, took me less time than I thought it would. Can't say that I am really looking forward to this, but I will never let my mother know otherwise. She would make me stay with her and Phil if she knew how upset this was making me and then they would never have time to be alone. So I am going with a smile on my face and a very heavy heart.

I can't help but wonder what I did in my life to deserve this fate. I have looked after my mother, longer than she has looked after me I bet, and I am only 17. I think I started taking care of her when I was 8 or maybe more like 7, I smiled to myself. I should have guessed I would be the adult, I knew it would happen. My mom always said that I was born 35 and got more middle aged every year.

As I sit on my bed looking at my birth certificate I started to think about my life and how I ended up agreeing to go to the sun forsaken town of Forks.


	2. Chapter 1 First Memories

**1. First Memories**

My mom left Charlie when I was only a few months old. We went to live with my grandmother for a little while, don't remember any of that really. After mom got on her feet we came to live in Phoenix, Arizona. I would guess she chose this place because it was the exact opposite of Forks, Washington. It is mostly sunny with only a few days of rain.

Some of my earliest memories are of me reading in the sun, covered in sunblock. I read a lot growing up. I am not sure whe,n but from an early age my mom taught me to read. I really enjoyed books from the first one my mom read to me. When I was four years old in day care, I would read a book in the corner while most of the other kids where playing with dolls or other toys. My teacher would come over and ask if I wanted to play with the girls and their dolls. I didn't, I really would rather read.

It was those picture books that started my obsession; a visual representation to what I was reading. Later, I really got into the story and visualize the books and let them play out in my mind, it was a way for my imagination to run wild. I was always thinking too much. My brain was not a friendly environment; it was always working overtime, even at night while I slept.

When I thought of the first day of kindergarten, Mom walking me into class, I was nervous. I never showed it, but my mom was my best friend and I really never made many friends all through day care. I didn't want her to leave me. So with brave determination I kissed my mom goodbye and turned to take my seat. I saw a few people turn to look at me and a couple girls smile at me, making me feel welcome.

After we went around and introduced ourselves we broke off in little groups so that we could get to know each other better. I didn't really have much to say in the way of prior friendships or activities. Since my mom was my best friend I spent most of my time hanging out with her or reading.

The big event of the day was when I tripped over my feet, again, causing everyone to laugh at me. I have always been a klutz, tripping over my own feet, the carpet, or anything else, air included. My coordination troubles started early on. My mom said it took a while for me to learn to walk without falling over ever couple steps. She said I inherited my lack of balance from Charlie. I am not sure at what point I started calling my dad Charlie, I guess since that is what my mom always called him it was a habit I picked up.

I never got any better with balance as I would trip over everything. I was always embarrassed, red cheeks were evident to that. I would guess that would be a very big reason that I never liked attention. When I was sure to fall down at some point, it was better to do it with no one looking. Especially since on more than one occasion my mom had to take me to the emergency room. I would hit my head on a table or something, so hard she got paranoid thinking I did permanent damage to my brain, who knows maybe I did. I tried to hide any accidents as much as possible, I didn't like going to the hospital, if no one witnessed and I felt fine, no harm done.

So after my first day of meeting new people and embarrassing myself, my mom picked me up she started asking me questions before I even got in the car. She would ask random questions and half the time not wait for an answer. She has always been a little scatter brained, my mom had a short attention span, shorter than I did and I was six. But she was very happy when I told her about Sarah and Erin, the couple friends I made.

After the third degree I grabbed a snack and read in the den while my mom did whatever she did after school and listened to classical music. Some of it was actually very nice and pleasant to listen to. I started to appreciate music at that point, listening to the melodies and lyrics and figure out what they were singing or playing about. It was relaxing.

The next day it started all over again, but this time I made a point to sit with the girls I meet. After a little while Erin started noticing boys and flirted with them, smiling and batting her lashes. It was funny watching the boy's reactions. Sarah and I teased her but she didn't seem to mind it. I think she liked it when boys looked at her, even if they didn't seem to act interested. She would wear skirts and blouses or other pretty clothes, Sarah and I always wore shorts and a long or short sleeve tee shirt. I didn't like skirts or dresses and my mom never pushed them on me so I was happy about that.

By the middle of the year I was feeling comfortable with my peers; not that many talked to me other than the two girls I meet the first of the year, but I was OK with that. Erin and Sarah would hang out with most everyone. They appeared to be the popular people or just got along with everyone, probably the latter.

Naturally there were a couple girls that didn't seem to like me. I guess the saying 'you can't please everyone' begins at birth. I never did anything, never really spoke with them either. One day at recess, I was reading How to Eat Fried Worms, and one of the girls that didn't like me, Lisa, I think, and her followers were making fun of me about something. I am not even sure how it happened, but the next thing I knew they were daring me to eat dirt. Not wanting to find out how much worse they could make my life, I did. It wasn't bad, but wouldn't really like to do it again. Of course that shut them up and really didn't have any problems with them afterwards, or at least they never really paid enough attention to me to have a problem with me.

My friend base expanded by a few as the school year continued. I was invited to a couple birthday parties, but always ended up bleeding from a scrap or some other injury I inflicted on myself. I never like the smell of blood. I could tell when someone else was cut too, the metallic smell permeated the air around me and I would need to lie down. Luckily the feeling would go away once the blood no longer flowed.

As the year continued Sarah started to try and get boys to notice her. I was never jealous or upset as they would sometimes ask a guy to sit with us. I would just smile and be polite. I never thought boys where that interesting, or cute, as Sarah and Erin always referred to them. But boys never really took notice of me either.

Of course my mom always asked if a boy caught my eye, which I quickly told her, _no_. Not sure why she was interested in whether or not I was talking to boys. She had already started the marriage and sex speeches, very awkward. She was starting to date again, which left me fending for myself in the kitchen on occasions when I was to hungry to wait for the babysitter, not that I needed one. It seemed that I was more grown up than she was sometimes. I was already doing my laundry and helping clean the house a little. Not to mention I was her emotional center, we talked about everything, especially not getting married to young.

I had been taking care of my mom, emotionally, for a while now. But the more my mom dated the more I would end up doing. She had a couple boyfriends when I was young, nothing serious, and she would never bring them home to meet me. She would go out with them for a short time; though they never lasted long. I guess I never had an interest in having a "boyfriend" when they seemed to never stay to long. I never knew sure what happened to them, why they left or she broke it off. Besides I was too young to care, I suppose.

My mom was happy when she first met Tom, one of her boyfriends she actually introduced me to about four months in the relationship, but after six months, it seems that he started coming around less and less. She always tells me to never marry young. I am guessing the most recent round of don't fall in love just because he is handsome or charming, is a result of the recent break up. I know it has to do with my parents' divorce.

I know she liked Tom. When they were together she was always a little happier, even at 7 years old I understood what love was. It would be impossible for me not to have at least an idea of what it was. I gave up on books that were meant for my age. I have just discovered Jane Austen, Charlotte Brontë, and Emily Brontë, but my mom doesn't think I am old enough for those authors. I enjoy reading them anyway. There are always references to love and the need for another person or something. I get it, but I don't see guys that way, maybe I will one day, maybe I'll have a fairy tale romance with a knight in shining armor coming to rescue me from my lack of coordination.

The summer after my second grade class was, as always, a nightmare. I get to do another month in Forks, with rain and clouds as my constant companion. I do like to go to First Beach down at La Push with Charlie and see the tide pools; there is always some neat marine life in them to look at. Charlie has to go with me though, so I don't fall in, again. Not to mention hold my hand to and from so I don't get to badly hurt when I trip over a branch or something. One of the first times we went to the tide pools I tripped and cut my hand pretty badly. That was one of the first time I ever fainted.

I realized it was from the smell of blood. I didn't make this public because no one else seems to be able to smell blood. I would actually faint if I can't get it cleaned up quickly, as was the case in the woods. Charlie cleaned off the wound but didn't think anything of it. We didn't have Band-Aids so it didn't stop bleeding till after I passed out. It was not fun because afterwards I was tired when I came around and Charlie was a nervous wreck and took me to the ER.

By the start of the third grade, I was in big trouble. My mom was so intent on me doing things that after a long talk, she decided to try the parent card. She was reasonable, but said I would be participating in various activities. I started with piano, but that didn't last long as I would whine every time, before and after, until she left me stop. I learned the basics but really couldn't understand the sheet music. My mom could play the piano, but not very well and did so, on her old upright. I would love to listen to her play even though she really only enjoyed playing for herself. I would listen to her and promised myself if I ever got enough money I would buy her a grand piano. She would always become absorbed when she played and it always made her happy. Almost as if she would become someone else, a mysterious persona that was no longer my mother.

Then she had an even worse idea, put someone that tripped over air in ballet! To this day I have no clue how she thought that was a good idea. It was horrible, the teacher kept me in the far back corner for recitals, for which I was honestly thankful. The torture didn't last long before I convinced my mom I needed out, for the good of the other girls in the class.

On the plus side, I did get my first pet. I wanted a bunny but my mom got me a goldfish. Told me bunnies were a lot of responsibility and I would need to prove I could care for a fish first, even though I was taking care of her, at this point. After a couple months he died. I was determined I could keep a fish alive and mom got me another. Well its fate was sealed as soon as it was left in my care and so was the poor third fish my mom got me trying to replace the second one that died, thinking I wouldn't notice. After that I told my mom I was done with the whole pet concept. I didn't like it when my pets died, I cried for days.

Other than a few little adventures, this year was almost the same as the previous. Erin and Sarah continued to "flirt" with boys, smiling, bating their lashes, but this year Erin said she kissed a boy and was now holding hands. I would talk to the boys she was with, smile and be polite, but they weren't really that interesting. They talked about sports or the latest movie that was playing or worse, the hottest new video game that was out. I would feign interest for as long as I could stand before making an excuse to get away. It was hard to make a subtle get away, I couldn't lie; my blushing would give me away if I lied or became embarrassed, it always had. So I opted to try and avoid those situations.

My mom was still my best friend and no guys really took an interest in me, so we spent most of our free time together. Meaning I was trying her newest hobby. The longest running to date was 27 days of consecutive interest, sewing. Not sure why she wanted to do this, sewing was rather boring. It tired it twice, but after I stuck my finger, twice, I was done with it. She also attempted to see if she had a green thumb and made a little potting area around the mailbox. I would sit under the tree and watch as she planted and watered the flowers. A few weeks later they would die and she would try again. I noticed more than once that the flowers would be changed from the morning in an attempt to disguise the fact that they died.

The following years didn't change much, I was still as clumsy as ever, still not interested in boys, and my mom was still my best friend. I did go over to some other friends houses every once in a while. I was also taking over more of the house hold chores, cleaning, sorting the mail, helping with the cooking. That earned me a trip to the ER when I cut myself with a knife slicing a tomato. It seemed the older I got the younger my mom got. Not that I minded helping around the house, I liked taking care of my mom. It was something I was actually good at. Besides she needed all her free time to find new hobbies to quit.

Every summer was a cookie cutter version of its self. I went to Forks to visit Charlie for a month, read, went to the local diner for dinner, came back to his house that hadn't changed since mom lived there and read some more. I was happy enough to read and go to the lake when necessary, which was as often as he and his best friend Billy Black 'needed' to go fishing. They would occasionally take Harry Clearwater with them as he made some really good fish fry seasoning.

The area was beautiful, but it was an alien world. The colors were wrong. Green everywhere and you couldn't see but a few feet in some cases because of the trees. Charlie would always point out all the different trees when we drove around. I was able to recall some, but I wasn't that interested so couldn't remember them all, nor really cared to. My time there was only a month so I would grin and bear it.

The highlight of recent years was when I scared the crap out of my mom playing on the pier. She was videotaping me and I was playing on the railing. As always she was distracted and I wasn't in the same place I was and she started calling out my name. It shocked me, the tone in her voice and I lost my balance, and nearly fell in the ocean. I guess a klutz shouldn't play around like that, but it was fun.


	3. Chapter 2 Friendship

**2. Friendship**

As middle school approached I was getting nervous. I didn't like the spot light, as I hated to be the center of attention, but I was going to a different school than my friends. The district lines were changed so I got to be the new girl, something I could do without. My mom dropped me off and I could already feel people starring at me. I was not really pretty or interesting, very plain in fact, but I was new. A couple guys came up to me and started babbling about how they were one the football team or they would like to show me around. I gave them a perfect 'thank you so much' smile that would have fooled no one.

Luckily I meet a nice girl, Brenda, in my first class, Math, and we had just about the same schedule, so at least I knew one person. However, my second class was gym. I am not sure what genius in the school system thought it was a good idea to put the uncoordinated klutz in a class with dangerous weapons. All through elementary school I was on a first name bases with the school nurse, mostly due to gym related incidences. It would seem I would soon see the middle school nurse or worse send someone to see her for me. I was more of a threat to others when handed a deadly weapon: racket, bat, hokey stick, volleyball, soccer ball, basketball, the list goes on and on. Since Brenda was in my gym class I decided to warn her about my inabilities.

She giggled, "I am sure it isn't that bad, just take it slow and aim".

I tried what she said and hit the football player that offered to show me around in the back of the head with the volleyball. Naturally I blushed from embarrassment, I hated this reaction. Ever since I was little it happened, but now some boys seemed to take notice and liked it, which was worse. I was sure he thought I did it to get his attention, even with the apologetic look on my face.

He came over and handed me the ball "Bella, you know you could have just called my name, I would have come over to say hi again" he said with a huge smile.

"I am so sorry, I tried to tell them I am to uncoordinated to be in gym, but it seems that someone gets a big kick out of me messing things up." I was mortified, really don't remember this guy's name, not that I would like to.

"Well if you need me to teach you how to play, I have some free time after school before football practice." I had to think quickly to get out of this.

"Thanks, but I am grounded and my mom is picking me up, right after school." I so hope that works.

"Another time then," still the huge grin plastered on his face as he strutted off back to the others.

"You really are a klutz." Brenda giggled.

"I tried to warn you. I can't believe I did that, that guy was talking to me this morning, and I really don't know what to do. HELP." I pleaded.

"Don't worry, that is Shane, he is more of a player than anything, or thinks he is. He thinks all girls like him and you are just another one of his delusions. When you don't show any interest, he stops talking to you." She grinned with a knowing wink.

"So he thought you were head over heels for him." I said more of a statement then a question and she just nodded. After that little incident gym was just about over, much to my relief, and we went to change.

Third period was English, my favorite subject, seeing as how I read a lot. As such I have already read most of the books that we would cover this year. After class I was heading to the lunch room and meet up with Brenda and one of her friends Susan. We got our food and went to a table with a couple other girls, they introduced themselves, but I am so bad with names I pretty much forgot them after they told me. Luckily it hasn't been as bad as I thought it would be, not many people seemed to notice me and more importantly I haven't tripped over anything, yet.

The girls were chatting about what they did over the summer, when some spoke to me. "So Bella, what was your big adventure this summer?"

"My parents are divorced so I spend part of the summer in Forks, Washington. It is overcast and wet pretty much the whole year, and the beach they have is cold year round. My summer, not so much fun," I admitted.

I explained that I have been spending one month in Forks every summer. My mom has me stay there so I could spend time with Charlie, my dad. I would hang out with Jacob, Rachel, and Rebecca, they were dad's best friend's children. Jacob was a couple years younger and Rachel and Rebecca, twins, are just a little over a year older. We got along well enough, I think because it was temporary, but I never really had much in common with them. We were all too shy to progress very far in the friendship area. So we never kept in touch and only spoke when I was doing my time there.

"That has to be the worst place in the world to live!" Someone said.

"You have no idea. Everyone knows everyone else and they all went to school together." I was beginning to feel a change in my travel plans was fast approaching, I hoped.

The rest of the day was thankfully uneventful. As I waited for my mom the stalker guy, Shane I think, not that I cared, was staring at me. I subtly let my hair fall down as I looked at my feet so I would have a nice curtain blocking his view. I was really hoping it would not take long for him to move on. Fortunately my mom pulled up and I hopped in as fast as I dared so as not to get hurt.

"How was your day sweetie?"

"Not bad, meet some really nice people, I have already read the books we are doing in English and I almost took off someone's head in gym with a volleyball." My mom thought I would grow out of my clumsiness phase, guess not.

She laughed at me and smiled. "So what would you like for dinner?" She inquired.

"Oh no, I am doing the cooking remember. By the way the power bill and water bill are due by the end of the week." I stated. In the last few months my mom's cooking has gone from experimental to inhumane. Charlie and I always joked about the things she would come up with and call it edible. When I went to see him we ate out most every meal, except breakfast.

"OK your right, so what are you making for dinner?"

"Not sure mom, I'll see what we have when I get home."

The rest of the week passed in much the same way. I could tell that my stalker was losing interest, finally and luckily there was no one else taking his place. I like boys, don't get me wrong, it is just the ones I meet are childish and immature. I really didn't like having them all over me the way they were with Susan. I am sure I will meet the perfect man sooner or later.

Poor Susan would have at least two guys around her all the time vying for her attention. She liked it, always smiling and flirting and caring on. They both acted more like loyal dogs than boyfriends. They were always doing things for her, asking her to go to the movies or something after school.

Susan was nice enough though. I really started to like her. She was comfortable with who she was and didn't need to talk about random things to fill the silence. During lunch, sometimes, we would sit beside each other in silence. I was always good with silence if nothing needed to be said. I did like Charlie for that as well. He wouldn't talk for the sake of noise like my mom seemed to do. Like Charlie, Susan was easy to get along with, she didn't have a clear cut view on the world since we were still young, but took it for what she saw, heard, and learned, on her own. I suppose I was much the same way. I was more observant though so I picked up on more of what was going on than she did.

I got along with Brenda well enough, but honestly speaking she is a cup is full kind of person. No matter what, everything was going to be OK. Susan was the type to ask 'does it really matter if it is half full or half empty'. I always saw it as a puzzle, something to figure out. What was in the cup? Why was there only half the amount of liquid in it? Did someone drink it? Was it that way for a reason? I would sometimes irritate myself with trying to figure things out.

Brenda and Susan would always go through the day without looking at the small things. My Grandma Marie would notice everything about my mother when she was young. She would tell me stories about how my mom would try and lie about things but Gran would always catch her. My mom, not the brightest, never quit trying to get away with things: smoking, drinking, and sneaking out at night. I got along with Gran, she was easy going, I don't know if I saw the world the same as others, but I was sure we would see the same things.

By the end of the month I was in a good place in my life. I was doing well in school, I hadn't injured anyone in gym and I only visited the nurse's office twice, the last time I had caught my shoe one the edge of gym floor and got carpet burn on my hands and knees. The best thing so far was that no one paid me any attention any more when I did it. Someone close would help me up while the rest of the class kept going. I actually like being plain and not being noticed. I hoped it would continue.


	4. Chapter 3 Edward

**3. Edward**

After a couple months I was in a nice routine: class, homework, read, dinner, try my mom's latest and greatest fade, read, and get ready for bed. Nothing changed much at school and I was still avoiding any attention. Unfortunately that did not extent to home. I was reading a new book while she watched the news and my mother was telling me that I should take an interest in world news. She was watching a report of a missing persons case in New Orleans, a couple tourists were missing and local gangs were believed to be the cause. I looked at her, she just shrugged her shoulders and then I went back to my book before turning in.

I have talked in my sleep for some time now, but my mom hasn't brought it up for a while so it was weird at breakfast when she asked, "So how was your dream last night?"

I really didn't remember my dream, odd I usually remember something, but I could not remember anything this time. The last thing I did was start that new book, Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen and watch the news. "I don't remember, why?" I was curious as to what I said.

"Oh, just wondering who 'Edward' was and why you said his name." She had the, who is your new boyfriend look.

I stared at her blankly. "I started a new book and one of the characters name is Edward. Don't remember dreaming about the book though." I was puzzled, but didn't have time to ponder before I had to get to school.

As we drove I tried to remember my dream, something, anything, but couldn't. I don't recall that happening before. I hated not knowing. Of all the things, not knowing something kills me.

"What's wrong?" My mother shocked me back to reality.

"Nothing," I simply stated.

"That is not the look of nothing." The other thing I hated was all of my emotions would show like they were written on my face.

I answered, knowing it was the only way for her to drop it. "Just trying to remember my dream, really don't have a clue what I was dreaming about." With that my mom pulled up to drop me off and told me to have a good day at school. Yeah right, this was going to drive me nuts till I figure out what my dream was about.

I made it through until lunch, not having much time to try and concentrate on my dream I attempted to push it to the back of my mind. This was something I would have to really think about. I was playing with my food when someone asked a question.

"What are you doing this weekend?" Brenda wanted to know.

I looked at her, "No plans, what's up?" I was surprised; this is the first time I was asked that since I started here.

"Well Susan and I are going to the mall and wanted to know if you were up for some shopping?"

"Sure sounds like fun. Do you mind if we stop by a bookstore, there is a book I want to get?"

"Yeah sure, no problem, we'll pick you up around 11."

"OK." I replied, actually excited, kind of. I was looking forward to hanging out with them outside of school, but shopping, not so much a priority in my life. I was happy with shorts and a tank top, if it got cold maybe a sweater. But with an encouraging smile I made sure they thought it was the best idea ever.

Once I got home the only thing that kept popping up in my mind when I wanted to remember what the hell I dreamed was a small circle of grass with wild flowers. Giving up on it I focused on getting dinner ready. That night my mom decided to casually slip in the, don't get married to young speech and the sex talk, again. I believe she really thought I was dreaming about some guy I liked named Edward. I don't know any guys named Edward, and it is more of an old fashion name. But I looked at her, nodded at the right time, said I will and I won't where appropriate, I think this is the 10th time I got this same talk. Of course the funny thing is it is more about getting married early than having sex early. My mom always did have her own unique style.

After our little talk I could see my mom thinking and I was willing to bet it was about Charlie. I know she loved him once, but now that I am older my scatter brained mother is letting more and more slip about how she really felt and what separated them. It seems that while she did in fact love Charlie, she hated Forks and he wouldn't or if you ask him, couldn't leave at the time. She begged for them to move, but he refused and when she would want to go out and have a good time there was nothing to do and nowhere to go. She finally couldn't take the small town life and rain any longer and had to escape, that is how we ended up in California with her mom. It was shortly after I was born and only for a little while before settling in Phoenix. My dad still loves her, hasn't changed one thing in the house in twelve years. Still hoping she would come back to him. But that is the way he is, stubborn, guess I know where I got that from.

Saturday morning I was ready to go shopping. Brenda's mom pulls up and my mom comes out to greet her as I get in the back with the girls. As we drive to the mall we started talking about what we wanted to look for and the stores we just had to go to. Mrs. Greene dropped us off at the food court entrance and told us to call and she would pick us up here when we were ready to leave. When we turned to enter the mall we say a few guys looking at us, or them I'm sure. Brenda and Susan smiled at them; I just looked ahead like I didn't seem them, doubt they even saw me.

Once inside the topic quickly changed from, where do we want to go, to boys. Brenda apparently likes some guy in our Math class, but he has a girlfriend and Susan likes a couple guys and can't decide which she likes more.

"So what hot guy has caught your eye Bella?" Brenda asked.

"I can't say that I really like any of the boys at school. I find most of the male population to be a little immature for my personal taste."

"Yeah, that is the idea. Get them a little immature and teach them to worship you. After the first kiss they will follow you like a lost puppy." Susan stated, I could tell she really likes attention, especially from guys.

"Perhaps, but I think I'll wait a little while, besides my mom would flip out if I told her I had a boyfriend right now." Not at all what I wanted to tell them, but it would be enough to get her to drop the subject on me getting a boyfriend and not accuse her of messing around. Besides it isn't like any guys actually noticed me. I never even had a boy approach me, aside from my one stalker.

"Well David is too cute to not notice. I think he likes me too. I need to find something sexy to wear for Monday so he will ask me out." Susan said as we went to Forever 21.

I could tell this is going to be a long day. It took over an hour in that store and then we started heading to some other clothing store when I saw my savior.

"Hey girls I am going to check out the bookstore over there while you're shopping, that why you won't have to wait on me." Brenda and Susan agreed and they went to try on more clothes as I headed to my sanctuary. About an hour and a half later I meet up with them again and we headed to the food court to get a bite to eat.

When we sat down I asked what they got and Susan showed me a fairly short skirt with a V-neck halter top and high heel shoes. "That is going to be very flattering." I said as I know that is what she wanted to hear. "I think if I wore shoes like that I would, at best, break my ankle, but more likely break my neck." Brenda and Susan laughed; they both know how clumsy I am. As we finished lunch we figured there are a couple more stores we could go in before calling Brenda's mom.

On our way to Limited, we pass a vampire store, Hot Topic. It has every cliché item available, so for fun we stopped in. They teased me that I didn't need the white makeup since I was as pale as a vampire already.

"If I hadn't seen you out in the sun I would swear you were the undead." Brenda said jokingly.

"Maybe I am a vampire, I just have on a lot of sun block to keep from bursting into flames." I laughed with her.

"Not a chance," Susan stated. "A vampire would be a little more coordinated, you've never seen Angel trip over his own feet trying to save Buffy have you?"

We all giggled. As I was looking around I saw a book and started thumbing through it as the others were looking at the vampire clothing, all black head to toe, seemed more Goth to me. Interesting how there seems to be set rules for vampires: garlic, holy water, and crosses are supposed to hurt them; they sleep during the day and hunt at night. But there are so many authors that put in what they think and at some point everything gets contradicted. Says they are immortal, with skin of the dead: cold and white, and they live among us in secret. Blah Blah Blah, as I put the book down I turned to see if we were ready to leave yet, thankfully the answer was yes. Vampires, I think if they lived among us they would be very easy to spot.

That night I continued to read my book before bed. I was really hoping I wouldn't speak again tonight. Luckily, my mom hadn't said anything about me talking in my sleep for a little while, if I had talked. As I lay in bed trying to clear my mind, that stupid vampire book popped up. I wonder what it would be like to be a vampire. I mean the whole killing your friends and family and drinking their blood, not so much fun, but what do they do at night when the rest of us sleep? What would it be like to sleep all day in a coffin? What would you do with eternity? The last thing I could remember thinking about is, would I recognize one if I did see one.

The next morning I got to sleep in. My mom was between churches this month. She would get on the band wagon, go to church for 3 to 5 weeks and stop; a month or so later she would find another church to go to. Luckily this was an off month so I woke up rested and refreshed. I started thinking about what I dreamt last night since it didn't automatically come to me. I really hope this isn't going to become repetitive. I got up and got ready for my day, i.e. pulled my hair back in a pony tail and put on comfy sweats and a tee shirt and went downstairs. My mom was working on a crossword puzzle, something she just started doing.

"Hey sweetie how did you sleep?" I am not sure I am going to like this.

"Like the dead." I replied, seeing as how I couldn't remember tossing or turning. She started laughing. "What?" I know I am not going to like this.

"Nothing baby it is just, well last night you were talking about vampires and then you said you slept like the dead." At that we both started to laugh. I can't believe I did that. I should have known I would end up dreaming about the last thing I thought about. AHHHH! But why can't I remember what I am dreaming!

"Yeah makes sense. Brenda, Susan, and I went in a store that had a bunch of vampire things and I was reading a book about them while they looked at the clothes."

After I ate breakfast I went back to my room and got my book and continue to read. The rest of the day was pleasantly uneventful, aside from me tripping over the carpet and landing face first in the couch. As I was getting ready for bed I started thinking about school, making sure I had my homework done, what I would wear, anything to keep my mind as empty as possible, I did not want to dream about Edward or vampires tonight.


	5. Chapter 4 Chief Swan

**4. Chief Swan**

As I took stock of the school year it followed a similar pattern as the previous years. Halloween, trick or treating as a character from one of my books, dressed in the turn of the century gown this year. I was a different character the year before. For some reason I like the thought of dressing in gowns that were wore in a different time. The early 1900s always interested me. I would often think about what it would be like to have lived in that time.

Thanksgivings we were in California with Gran and a couple days at the beach playing on the pier and eating cotton candy. Then Christmas at our house, all very low key with simple presents. My mom always got me a book or clothes, but usually not something I liked to read or wear, but she tried. The following months nothing exciting happened. A couple other trips with the girls to the mall, I turned down more than I went to. Shopping, still not my idea of a good time.

I remembered that would be the last Christmas my mom's mom was with us, she passed away just a few months later. Renée took it hard. She kept going because that was what was expected, but she grieved for a while and after the funeral she was a wreck for a couple days. I helped best I could, but I never had feelings like that for someone before, my grandma was my mother's whole world. She bounced back as she always does, made her peace with it and kept grandma forever in her thoughts as I did.

As my 6th grade class came to a close I was once again faced with a return trip to Forks. As much as I like visiting with Charlie I really could do without a month straight of rain. But, since he is my dad I would bite my tongue, smile and head up there. I guess I always do things for others first, but someone had to look after my mom; it sure wasn't going to be her. And Charlie needed me too. We didn't need to show our emotions to know we cared about each other, it was just understood.

As if to prove my point my mom was still not ready. "Mom, are you about ready to take me to the airport? We have to be there in an hour!"

"OK, OK, I am here, you got everything?"

"Yes, right here, I am ready when you are. Also I left the grocery list on the fridge and the bills on the desk." I stated, though it was obvious with a suitcase in my hand.

After a quick drive to the airport I was off to see Charlie, I would really have to start to think of him as dad, he didn't like it to much when I called him Charlie, maybe I could call him Chief Swan, since he got a promotion since I saw him last. As always the airport was busy, nothing new. My mom took me as far as possible and then I was left with the airline employees. After a plane ride to Seattle and another little jump up to Port Angeles, I was giving a hug to Chief Swan and getting in his police cruiser.

"Hey dad, congratulations on becoming Police Chief." I said with a sincere smile.

"Thanks Bells." He had a genuine smile that made it all the way to his eyes. One thing I really liked about Charlie is he wasn't overly emotional. He was never comfortable expressing them, something else I inherited from him. But it was nice to see him really smile, the kind of smile that reaches your eyes. Another good thing about Charlie, he was a man of few words. The rest of the ride consisted of the smallest amount of small talk, how is Renée, how was school, make some new friends, meet any boys, that last one is always the one he cringes at. I guess it would be true to say that no father wants to hear about how their daughter is starting to like boys, lucky for him I really don't like boys my age and am too young for someone mature enough for me to connect with.

We get to his house for the start of my summer vacation. Having to share a bathroom is bad, having to share a bathroom with your dad is worse. Luckily I am not into makeup and hours of primping and playing with my hair. When guys ignore you and you really aren't that into it, there really isn't much use in getting done up. My room still hasn't changed, not that I expected it too really, but maybe a fresh coat of paint, once a decade, wouldn't kill him. So right on cue our month long routine begins as we head to the local diner for dinner. I really am going to have to say something about this as I grab my coat because, surprise surprise, it is raining.

My dad took me fishing, again, the first Saturday; I fall in the lake and after 11 years of this constant pain I had had enough. I usually don't throw tantrums, I was fairly easy going, but I couldn't take it anymore and much to my surprise, and delight that ended the fishing trips. A couple weeks go by with the same old thing, the Blacks come down a couple times we head up to the reservation a couple times. We would visit the tide pools and would put me together with Billy's kids at the beach. The twins would layout the whole time, Jacob would build a sand castle or go swimming and I would sit and read a book.

I cooked dinner for him a couple nights, no point in him knowing I do all the cooking at home. There are only so many times you can eat at the dinner in a row though. I didn't mind cooking, it was just this was my vacation and all. Much to my surprise we actually took a quick trip to the tourist area of Port Angeles. Not that we really did much, I wasn't a shopper, but we walked around, it was something different to do at least. Other than that it was pretty boring and very predictable, nothing exciting ever happens in Forks.

The morning of my departure I wake up to an almost nice day. It is brighter than normal and not raining. Walking out of the house at noon, my favorite time of the day, high noon, I look up at the sky, expecting a big bright sun to greet me. No such luck, as I look back at Charlie's house, not really wanting to come back next year. I flop in the car and we're off the airport. As I was flying home I came to the decision that I will make next year my last year going up there. I guess I owe him one more year, but I am done with Forks, forever if it is up to me. I will have to find somewhere we can both go to spend my time with Charlie.

My mom picked me up at the airport and started berating me with questions. "So how is Forks? Still as rainy and gloomy as ever I take it. Did you at least try and have a good time? I bet you ate at that diner almost every day. Did you make any friends while you were there?" I don't think she stopped till we got home. All I could do between the 20 questions was wonder about what kind of person would want to live in Forks; it is inhuman to put someone through a sunless life!


	6. Chapter 5 Boyfriends

**5. Boyfriends**

Once I was home I called Brenda to see what she has been up to. She told me all about this camp that she went to. Apparently she met this really hot guy and they were now dating. I proceeded to ask all the right questions and keep the conversation going. She then asked about my prison term in Forks and I put the best spin on it that I could, telling her it was nice to see Charlie, but the sun only came out for half a day that whole time I was there.

She felt sorry that I was sunless for so long so she asked if I wanted to go to the pool later in the week. I was glad to be back in the warm weather and dry for the first time in a month so I eagerly accepted. Not comfortable in a bikini I was thinking about what I was going to wear. After getting off the phone I went down to watch TV and chat with my mom. I could tell she had something to say but she wouldn't come out and say it.

"What is it?" I stared at her daring her to say nothing.

"Nothing sweetie," OK, I know where I got my inability to lie.

"You can't fool me mom, you must know where I inherited my 'open book' face."

"OK OK, I meet someone while you were in Forks, it was sudden, I wasn't looking, he just happened to be at the store at the same time I was and he looked so handsome, and had a smile that could stop you in your tracks." OH NO! She has never talked about a guys smile like this except for Charlie's. That is the one thing above all else that made her fall for Charlie.

"His name is Phil Dwyer and he is trying out for a minor league baseball team this year."

"Minor League? And how old is said minor league baseball player?"

"Age doesn't matter." She said with the, I really hope that wouldn't come up look.

"Well that is good because one of my friend's older brother said he thought I was really pretty and asked me to his senior prom this year. I thought I was going to have to beg for you to let me go."

"ABSOLUTELY NOT! You are far too young to go out anyone in high school!" A look of horror was written all over her face.

"Kidding mom! So age does matter?" I smiled, I win!

She hung her head in shame and mutter. "Ten years younger." I still had my smile in place when she looked at me.

"Don't worry; you are too young at heart to find someone close to your age." She smiled at me and gave me a big hug.

"I am just worried about you honey. You act so mature and grown up. By the time you are ready to date you're going to have to find someone that is a hundred!" We both laughed.

I got up and looked around the kitchen so that I could start dinner. "When is you next date?" I asked as I got out the chicken and very carefully started to trim it.

"Friday, he is taking me to see the team he is trying out for. Then we are going to dinner. That reminds me, we will need to make arrangements for you to stay with someone. I don't like the idea of you staying here alone."

"I was talking with Brenda earlier and she mentioned us going to the pool later this week. Maybe I could stay with her Friday night. Then we could go to the pool Saturday and you could pick us up and take her home?"

"That sounds like a good idea, give her a call and I'll talk with her mother later, if Brenda agrees."

The rest of the week I caught up on laundry, cleaned the house and made a grocery list. By the time Friday came around my mom was glowing. I could tell she was excited about her date. And I had to admit I was ready to see Brenda and Susan. We decided to have a slumber party, much to my dismay. I foresaw a pedicure in my future. When my mother dropped me off Susan was already at Brenda's and they were picking out a movie to watch.

As predicted once the movie was over the nail polish came out. Despite my reservation about painting my nails I relented, I really wasn't a girlie girl. I didn't wear makeup, paint my nails, wear sexy or trendy clothes; I did have a really good time just talking about things though. But the inevitable happened once Brenda's parents went to bed, boy talk. Naturally I had nothing to add to these discussions, but I looked interested and gave the appropriate OH, AH and MM-HMs, at the right time. Apparently Susan had a little more experience with boys than Brenda, so she did most of the talking. Luckily it was over soon and we all went to sleep, I just hope that I don't say anything tonight.

The next morning neither of them looked at me weird, even though I dreamt that I was living in Forks, _voluntarily_! So we got up and got ready to go to the pool. As I suspected Susan and Brenda had bikinis and I put on my one piece and we headed out for a day in the sun. After taking a bath in sun block I got out my book and started to read.

"You know Bella, you aren't going to get any sun if you put that stuff on every hour." Susan looked at me and the large bottle of 50+ I was reapplying.

"I don't get tan, I get burned." I stated as I had personal experience. When I was younger and my forgetful mother didn't reapply sun block after I went swimming one time in the ocean I ended up red from head to toe and in pain for almost a week. The only good thing that came out of that was it was impossible to tell if I was blushing, no matter how embarrassed I got. She just looked at me and shrugged.

After a couple hours we jumped in the pool, it was nice. Not to cold, like the ocean by Forks, but not so warm that it didn't cool us off. It was nice being in the water. I was by no means a good swimmer, but I was OK. Best of all I couldn't stub my toe, scrap my knees or palms, I was weightless! Then the boys came, great. As soon as I saw them I excused myself saying I had to go to the restroom. I heard the boys introduce themselves just as I was getting out and heading for my towel. I staying in the bathroom a couple extra minutes to make sure the intros were done and they started doing whatever it was they came to talk to us about. Then I headed straight for my chair, sun block, and book. Once I got comfortable I risked a glance around to see what they were up to, playing water volleyball. Definitely not going to threaten the unsuspecting patrons with my inept skills, so I waved and gave Brenda a 'you know you don't want me out there' look. She must have noticed because she smiled and nodded.

After a few more hours and a few more healthy coats of 50+ we were ready to leave. I called my mom and she took us back to Brenda's where I gathered my things, thanked Mrs. Greene and got back in the car. On our drive home I was naturally inundated with the normal motherly questions, which I answered. I told her that we had made plans to go to the movies next weekend because some new movie was being released that they really wanted to see. I agreed to go, mostly to have something to do rather than actually being interest in the movie.

Once we got home I tossed my bag in my room and went to the kitchen to start cooking. I asked how the date went and my mother started glowing. "I guess it went well." I surmised. She then started telling me all about how much of a gentleman he was and how they talked the entire time as they seem to actually have a lot in common. I was smiling as I could tell that she was very happy. Once dinner was ready and we were eating she told me that she thinks I would have to meet him sometime soon.

OH boy, I have meet a few of my mom's boyfriends, most don't like the fact that she has a child, let alone a child that takes care of her mother. I just nodded and kept eating. By the looks of it she really likes him and if it made her happy so be it. After I put away the dishes I went to empty my bag, get ready for bed, and try and finish my book.


	7. Chapter 6 Dating Ritual

**6. Dating Ritual**

The next week was slow; I slept in most every day, got ready, straightened the house and then read. I talked with Brenda a couple times to finalize the Friday night movie time and transportation. We would all meet at Brenda's again as she was just about in the middle of everything and we were going to the 7pm showing.

Once we got to the theater I notice a couple of the boys from the pool the other weekend standing around. So this was a date that their parents didn't know about. I looked at Brenda and she replied with an apologetic look. "I am so sorry, it was just Susan and my parents don't like the idea of us going out on a date, that is why Susan told her boyfriend to meet us at the pool and his friend was really cute and we invited them here."

"Don't worry about it, but I get the middle you two are on either side of me, let's go." I suppose most girls might have been upset that the girls night out movie turned into a fifth wheel movie, but if it made them happy I would deal with it.

It was actually very humorous to watch hormones in action. First Susan's date slowly reached for her hand; by slowly I think it took him 20 minutes after the movie started. Brenda's date a little more confident, or arrogant, took her hand when he decided he wanted it. Then I saw Brenda's date, I really wish I could remember the guys name now, lean over at the same time the actor in the movie did and kissed her on the cheek. I am guessing Susan's date, I am sure his name is Gary, did the same. I giggled as quietly as I could, to myself.

By the end of the movie they were both making out. Can't say that I wasn't glad that was over with. Once we got back in the car heading home I had to do most of the explaining about what the movie was about since the other two turned a light pink as they realized they had missed the last part of the movie. I told them goodnight and they thanked me for bailing them out. I hopped in my mom's car and started to tell her about the movie as well.

The next day Brenda calls to find out everything I thought about this guy, naturally my first thought was about the guy from camp she was suppose to be dating. She went on about how it was long distance and I told her the pool boy was cute, as far as I could tell, and seemed like he was into her. I mentioned that he sure seemed confident, but wasn't sure if that was a good thing or bad. After about twenty minutes we got off the phone and I went to find lunch.

Next couple weeks I stayed around the house and read. My mom seems to start trusting me more because I was staying at home by myself while she went on dates with Phil. The first time he came over he brought me a book. It was a classic, so I thanked him and he really did seem like a nice guy and certainly seemed to like my mother. Although she never stayed out past 9pm when I was home alone it did make me feel good that she trusted me more.

By August I was staying over at Brenda's twice a month so my mom would have more time with Phil. I didn't mind. Brenda and her pool boyfriend broke up a few weeks after the movie so it was usually just us as Susan and her boyfriend were still together. For some reason though when Susan did grace us with her presence she thought we wanted all the details. Well it was clear that Brenda was interested, I just sat there whenever she had something new to add.

As this was the last weekend before our 7th grade year we went to the mall to pick out some new clothes and get the basic supplies. Susan's mom drove us and dropped us off at the food court. This time I really did need some clothes; I had grown a little and needed some new shorts, a few shirts and new pair of sandals. I found a pair of gray sweatpants and a simple t-shirt I could wear to bed, the ones I had were a little small and I have had them for years. I went ahead and picked up a training bra. I don't think I really need one, but they are called training, better to have it and not get picked on I suppose. Once I had my purchases I waited. I just didn't see the point in trying on everything in the store, get what you need and be done with it.

After that I just looked around the other stores they went in, hit the book store, made it to the food court, tripped over a rack in a store and got carpet burns on my hands and knees and had an ice cream cone. All in all it was a normal day for me. As we went to wait on our ride we started talking about school. While none of us were really glad to be going back it was at least something to do to pass the time. Most of the classes I was OK with, Gym and Math I could certainly do without.

First day of 7th grade was actually uneventful, Susan's boyfriend was in 8th grade so she disappeared to hang out with the older kids and Brenda and I were left to trudge through the day. It was just another day and I could feel a pattern beginning as the day went on. I was glad that I got five new books at the mall as I sensed that Brenda was not far from finding her next boyfriend. We got our list of school supplies, books, and homework, naturally the teachers wouldn't bother letting us have one day without homework to do. By the end of the day the list of supplies I needed was a mile long and a there were a ton of books. Luckily, or actually as usual, I have already read the entire summer reading list and all the novels we were going to read in English. The only problem was I read them years ago, so I guess I will be needing to reread them. At least it will give me something to do.

Once my mom and I got home from my supply run I decided to go ahead and get everything organized so I headed up to my room. After 2 hours of sorting, labeling, filing and stuffing all my binders and folders, pens, pencils, horrid math supplies and notebook paper I was ready for another year of school. I went down to see what we could have for dinner and sort the mail. I tossed some pork chops in some marinade and went to pay some bills.

Luckily my mother's job afforded her plenty of free time. A kindergartener didn't have to have a very difficult lesson plan and since she has done it for a while now she was recycling. Not to mention she would be finished just before me. Yet I was solely in charge of getting the utilities paid, and now balancing the check book. I laughed as I wrote checks to pay the bills leaving them for my mom to sign before I put them in the mailbox.

After flipping the pork chops the phone rang. "Honey, it's mom, Phil is going to come by tonight, is there enough food for him to have dinner with us?"

"Yes mom, I have 4 piece pork chops and we'll have plenty of mash potatoes and peas."

"Great, I'll let him know. I should be there in about 45 minutes. Love you sweetie."

"Love you mom." I hung up the phone and went back to my book.

About two hours later we were all finishing dinner. I guess Phil is nice enough; my initial impression of him hadn't changed even though I have been seeing him more and more. He got signed by a local team and had some away games throughout the season. That made it easy for my mom to spend quality time with me while he was away and quality time with him when he was home. I excused myself and cleaned the up the kitchen and then headed to my room. I am pretty sure he was staying the night, but the less I knew the happier I was.

Still not trying to think about it I headed to the bus stop so my mom wouldn't have to take me to school today, I grabbed a piece of toast, my books and headed out. Once at school I feel into the routine I had expected. The days went by in an unchanging blur.

Then I woke up one morning looked at the calendar and fell back on the bed. A second later my mom burst in "HAPPY 13th BIRTHDAY!" Great, I am another year older and now officially a teen.

I looked at her and smiled, "That means I can do what I want right?"

"Not a chance, you're going to school."

Busted, "It was worth a try." I mumbled as I got up to get ready.

By the time I got down stairs my mom had made me pancakes and bacon. For some reason both my parents could cook breakfast, but that was about it. I ate in silence and then she took me to school.

"So where would you like to go tonight for your birthday dinner?"

I really didn't care that much. "Surprise me." I replied as we pulled up to the curb. She kissed me good bye and wished me Happy Birthday again as I ran in hoping no one heard.

Thank goodness, half way through and no one else knew. As I was walking out after my last class Brenda ran up to my, nearly knocking me over and wished me a happy birthday.

"I didn't forget, I just know that you're not into birthdays all that much and didn't want it to get out. Although I don't know why, it is a joyous occasion. The day you were born, another year closer to the freedom from school and parents. Bella, it seems that you are always full of surprises, you never do what I think you would do." Confused by her statement I looked at her with a puzzled expression.

She obviously saw the confusion, "What I mean to say is, there is a really cute guy that has been eyeing you for days and you haven't even noticed him. You don't seem to enjoy the spot light, which I understand some people are just shy, but you avoid it that the plague. But most of all it seems to me like you are looking for something or someone." Cue huge grin, "But you don't appear to know what or who." I thought about her words for a minute before answering.

"I really don't know what you're talking about. I am happy the way I am, I'm not looking for anything or _anyone_ for that matter." Not sure if I was trying to convince her or myself of that last statement. I really don't like any boys here, not that I don't find some 'cute', but none held any interest for me. "I guess, maybe, I might, possibly be looking for that perfect guy, but I certainly haven't found him around here."

She lit up like the Fourth of July, "I knew it who is he?"

"I just told you there is no one here I find appealing in that way. I don't know how to explain it other than the boys here can't hold my interest. They are always going on about sports or video games. I like music and books." Thank heavens my mom arrived.

"We aren't done with this conversation Isabella Marie Swan!" I jump in the car and glared at her as she gave me an ear to ear smile. I didn't like my given name and she knew it. Oh this is not going to ever end.

"So how about the new Italian place?"

"Sure mom sounds good." I quickly composed myself so she wouldn't ask what we were talking about; I was not going to start talking about guys with my mom. Safe and sound back home I ran up to start my homework so I wouldn't have to worry about it after dinner.

Once we got to the restaurant we just talked about everything and nothing. The random question that popped in my mom's head was always a source of amusement for me. She seemed more and more like a child, unable to keep a straight train of thought. I smiled, laugh, and much to my embarrassment as evident of bright red cheeks, I snorted. I did have a wonderful dinner though and afterwards I got a call from Charlie.

I spoke with him for about 15 minutes and open the present that he and mom gave me. It was a beautiful Garnet gemstone. A blue color I knew to have only recently been discovered. I am not really sure why I liked garnet, but I have for some time now and this was one of the most beautiful pendants I have ever seen on a simple silver necklace. I thanked them many times, I didn't much like getting presents, but since it was from my parents I would make an extra effort to wear it on special occasions.

I still didn't get into the makeup and jewelry that every other girl in my class seems to be into. I was happy without all the fuss about getting dolled up. I never had a Barbie Doll and didn't have a desire to be one myself. After saying goodbye to Charlie, my resolve to not go back to Forks this summer crumbled. I knew at that point I was destined for another sunless summer.


	8. Chapter 7 First Date

**7. First Date**

Other than my birthday the rest of the year was completely uneventful. Brenda found a new boyfriend soon after my birthday, leaving me as the fifth wheel at Halloween. Thanksgiving was enjoyable, Phil came over with a few of my mom's friends and there family. Their kids were much younger, four and five, so really didn't bother playing with them, especially since I didn't have anything for them to play with. It wasn't that I didn't like kids, but I was accident prone and the thought of injuring a child was not only a concern for me, but a real possibility.

Once dinner was served I got to sit at the adult table for the first time. I was excited. It was really fun when they started talking about a book that I had read and was able to put in my two cents. The other parents were surprised to say the least. It was actually a college level English novel. After we finished the other parents had to leave so they could make it to their other Thanksgiving dinner and I had to call Charlie to wish him a Happy Thanksgiving.

We talked for a few minutes, he had gone over to Billy's for lunch with some friends and they were back at his place to watch the games. After I got off the phone I went about cleaning the kitchen for the last time this week. With the amount of leftovers I don't think I'll have to do much cooking. My mom told me she and Phil were going to go watch a movie and asked if I wanted to come. I shrugged, said sure and off we went. I must admit it was a little odd being in public with Phil and my mother. But the movie was enjoyable and all in all I did have a pleasant time.

Christmas Eve was pretty simple, we went to church. Then apparently Phil had a tradition to go to eat Chinese afterwards, kind of strange, but the food was good. The next morning we opened presents. With my mom's salary and me not old enough to have a job, money wasn't something we had to spare so we always seem to keep presents to a minimum. We had enough money to live on comfortably, but we were conservative with spending. Plus for my thirteenth birthday I got that gorgeous garnet pendant, so was hoping not to get much now.

After the presents were opened, books and clothes for me, I watched Romeo and Juliet. Romeo was one of, if not my favorite characters. True, he messed up a lot of things, but who doesn't. He loves with his whole heart; it didn't matter to him if Juliet was wrong for him. If she was the daughter of his mortal enemy he loved who he loved and wasn't going to apologize for it. After the water works the movie ended and I headed to my room to read and finish my Christmas break homework. Soon the holiday was over and it was back to boring school as usually.

February 11th the weirdest thing happened. The cute boy that Brenda said was always staring at me came over to talk to me.

"Would you like to go out on a date with me this Friday?" I had a stinking suspicion I knew who was behind his bold move.

"What kind of date?" I asked.

"Well a couple of us were going to go to a restaurant and maybe see a movie." He timidly replied.

"Who is _us_?" I asked point blank to get to the bottom of this.

"Ummm, Brenda, Joel, Susan, and Gary." AH HA! I knew she put him up to this.

To be fair though, he wasn't that bad looking, I guess, "OK, we can go together." I don't think I have even seen anyone's eyes get so big before. He started rattling of the time, the restaurant where we're going to go and the movie we were going to see and who was driving. I felt like he was getting it out there before I could change my mind. Naturally I didn't miss that it was Valentine's Day, well day after, but still. I guess a fifth wheel on a Valentine's Day celebration is not something my friends wanted. So I gave him a little smile and nodded before he practically skipped to class.

Not ten seconds later I was attacked by two overly excited screeching teenage girls. "I knew you would say yes, I knew you liked him!" Brenda was gushing like some match maker; I guess she was, kind of. Susan was looking at me with the, what are we going to dress you in, look. I decided I would head her off, before she got carried away.

"Well it is Valentine's Day and I got a new skirt and blouse from my mom for Christmas that I can wear, but she still doesn't like the idea of me wearing a lot of makeup so might need your help with my hair and maybe a little mascara and lipstick?" Please let this work!

"I know just what we can do, what color is your blouse? Do you have heels you can wear?"

"Not a chance in hell are you going to get me in those death traps, I am an accident prone klutz as it is, and the blouse is blue."

Susan had a dejected look. "Fine, you might be right about the heels. How about we all meet at my house at 4pm to get ready? And then maybe we can stay at my house that night." Brenda and I agreed and headed to class.

I felt… weird, strange, odd? I don't know what I felt. I was actually committed to going on my first real date. I have spoken with the guy a total of 5 minutes, and most of that time was friendly hellos in the morning. I was not looking forward to the talk my mom was going to have with me. '_You're too young to get married; it is a commitment that you need to think about for a long time. Oh and don't have sex either.'_ I could hear it all now and wasn't looking forward to hearing it out loud, again.

When I got in the car, for the drive home, I figured me as a captive audience would be better than wasting my time once I got home. "Ummm, mom, I have a date with this guy Chris Friday and then I was asked to stay at Susan's. Is that OK?" Here it goes.

"That is fine with me sweetie, I'll call Mrs. Stevenson. Now I know I have told you this before." Only a hundred times I mumbled so she couldn't hear. "You are too young to be thinking about getting married, you should wait till you know you are ready. It is a commitment and it takes time to think these things through." She looked at me once we got to a stop light to make sure I understood. I nodded that I got it.

As we pulled up to the house and we were getting out, five minutes later. "OH and don't be thinking about sex either. That is all these boys want and they will tell you anything to get it."

"Don't worry mom I have no intentions of doing anything like that." I said hastily as I made a mad dash for my room before it could continue.

After a couple hours in my room doing homework it was time to go make dinner. I hoped she said her peace and we can have dinner in silence, well about that topic at least. After prepping dinner and cleaning up the pans I set the table and called my mom. Dinner was served and the dreaded topic was, thankfully, not brought up again. After the dishes were done I went to get ready for bed and read.

The next day Chris was waiting on me. I smiled at him, hoping I wasn't over doing it. "Hey Bella!" I could tell this might have been a mistake.

"Hey Chris."

"Can I carry your books for you?"

"No thank you, I can manage." I said with a smile, at least the boy has manners.

"So I was thinking last night, are we boyfriend and girlfriend?"

Place shocked look on my face before comment. "I think that might be a little sudden, we haven't even been on our date yet so technically we aren't even dating."

Place deflated look on his face. "OK that makes sense. So, are you looking forward to our date?"

Persistent, I'll give him that, "Sure, I think it will be a lot of fun hanging out with everyone." Please catch the subtle hint that it will not just be you and me.

"Great well I'll see you later." And off he goes smiling ear to ear.

Luckily the rest of the day isn't so bad and the next day was about the same. On Valentine's Day Chris gave me a box of candy and a card. Luckily I thought ahead and got the same for him.

Friday, February 15th 2002, 7:30am, in front of the school by the unloading zone, Chris fidgets. I smiled before he sees me; it really is kind of cute. My mom was smiling; I guess she figured it out. I put on a straight face as I get out. As I head to the door he rushes over to me and holds it open, I smile at him.

"Thanks."

"Hey Bella, so are you ready for tonight's date?"

Ummm, "Yeah, going to Susan's after school to change."

"I can't wait, OK, see you tonight." I slowed down to meet up with Brenda and Susan, who were walking a few steps behind me, smiling.

Just walk, don't say anything. "OK, you have to be so excited, why are you not about to burst? This is your first date." Brenda likes to think that boys were the reason we get dressed up to come to school. And I suppose they are since I am very comfortable in my shorts and tee shirt right now, with no makeup or jewelry and sandals with my hair in a messy ponytail. Both Susan and Brenda had makeup, skirts with a nice blouse and heels with their hair primped.

"I don't know about ready to burst, but I am looking forward to having a good night out with a bunch of _friends_." I stated letting her know it was not a boyfriend date. That must have been a huge let down to Brenda's next question because we walked the rest of the way in silence.

After school my mom picked me up and took me to Susan's. I had tossed everything in the trunk that morning so we would not have to go back to the house and I could leave my school books in the car. My mom always wanted to meet the parents of the people I was staying with and exchange numbers in person to make sure I was taken care of, it was one of the few parental things she still did.

Once we got there Brenda and Susan were already upstairs getting ready. After saying good bye to my mom and hello to Mrs. Stevenson I headed up to become a little more, girlie. Once I was changed they sat me down and tortured my hair and eyes and gave me some lipstick and blush. I looked in the mirror, not bad, but not really me. I could tell I was wearing makeup and I was really not too fond of that feeling. It might be nice to find someone that can apply it and make it look natural, but I think I'll stick to no makeup. After my hair was done I put on my flats and waited for the other two to finish.

We got in the car and as we headed to the restaurant I had to admit, I was getting a little excited. This would be my first date. Once we got there the guys were waiting outside for us. We all went in and sat down. We started out with small talk and then ordered our food and started talking about more interesting topics. It was pretty easy to talk with Chris, which was nice. It was the first time we have said more than a few sentences and the first time one of those sentences wasn't asking about tonight. Naturally he played sports, but also liked music, something I really liked thanks to my mom's influence. He didn't read too much, but had read some so that carried the conversation until it was time to go to the movie. He paid which was nice, but I made sure he understood I was paying for the movie and popcorn. I guess he saw I wasn't going to back down so he agreed.

Once we found our seats, I sat with Brenda on my right and Chris and my left with Gary beside him. We decided to see the movie that I had gone to see with my mom and Phil. Once the movie started Susan and Gary turned to each other only coming up for air when absolutely necessary. Brenda and Joel were holding hands and watching. Chris had his left arm on the arm rest, since it wasn't occupied and his right on his knee. I keep my arms crossed so he wouldn't be able to hold my hand. I am not sure if I wanted to or not, so it was easier to not give him the opportunity.

Once the movie was over we left and talked about it, we all agreed it was pretty good, mostly Chris and I as the others ended up not seeing it all. Before we got in the car I gave in a little, just to test the waters and hugged Chris for a second and pulled back before he could try and kiss me. Once in the car Susan's mom asked about the movie. Again half way through Brenda's attention was preoccupied and Susan didn't even see the opening scene, so I had to fill her in while the others agreed with me. I laugh to myself, I wonder what would happen if I did make out with Chris and none of us knew what the movie was about.

Once we got back to Susan's we went up to take off our makeup and got ready for bed.

"Did you kiss him?" Brenda immediately started to ask.

"No, I didn't kiss him or hold his hand. It was our first 'date'. I hugged him goodbye."

"We know, we saw and it looked like you made sure that he didn't have the chance to kiss you goodnight you pulled back so fast."

Blushing now, "Well I like to take it slow, I am not sure if I like him enough to do that stuff. I haven't ruled out giving him a second date though."

The girls start giggling at my expense, more blushing. "Bella! He adores you. You really don't have to take it that slow. It is just kissing, it isn't like he is going to eat you and you're not going to get pregnant from it."

"I know it is just, well my parents got married young and divorced when I was only months old. I guess my mom has enforced the, 'take it slow' to a whole new level."

Susan shrugged at my reasoning. Of all the people I have known she seems to be the most level headed. Takes everything in stride, talks when you're ready, keeps her mouth shut if you don't want to discuss things further. But she has no problem with understanding boys. "Bella, it isn't that we disagree with your views, it is just that every male on earth wants one thing. At some point in a relationship we have to decide to proceed to the next step or get out of the relationship. Of course that doesn't mean a guy will stay around forever for you to decide." She took a deep breath. "Gary and I talk about it and decide when we are ready to move on, together. He is such a great guy." She looked at me, waiting on my response.

"I know Susan, I know it is mostly a girls' choice, but I am not ready to have to choose. If I don't have a boyfriend there is no choice to be made." Blushing subsides, deep breath, "I guess what I am saying is, I do kind of like Chris. He is a good friend and I think I will hang out with him, but once I am forced to make a choice I am not comfortable with, I over analyze it. I will obsess over the issue, but once I make up my mind I stick to it. If it doesn't work out though, I won't have any problem moving on." Susan smiled indicating she understands where I am coming from.

Brenda starts bouncing up and down, "Bella has a boyfriend!" Great, I figure the best way to handle this was to ignore her, but she doesn't stop bouncing for an hour.

After that the talking dies down and Brenda and Susan comment on kissing and how sweet their boyfriends are and how they paid for their meal and movie. Luckily it didn't last much longer before we went to sleep. By the next morning, I was terrified I talked. I couldn't remember my dream and we were talking about boys the night before and...

"Who is Edward?" Crap! Brenda came in the room.

"What?" I ask trying to present the most convincing 'I have no idea what you are talking about' look.

"Last night in your sleep you said Edward. It freaked me out because you said it like you were talking to someone."

"Sorry I have been known to talk in my sleep, but I really don't know who Edward is or why I said his name." I could tell she was thinking overtime, trying to think of any boys in school named Edward I bet, but I knew of none.

I am not sure if she believed me but she let it drop. As I got ready to go home I tried to remember my dream, but again the only thing that came to mind was a grass circle with wild flowers, seemingly in the middle of nowhere, but it was sunny and it felt warm. It certainly was not anywhere I have ever seen before, but had no clue why I was thinking about it or how it would relate to anyone. I couldn't picture anyone in the area either. Once my things were packed I headed down and we ate in silence.

A short time later my mother showed up and I said my goodbyes and thank yous and jumped in the car. The drive home was quiet after the normal round of questions. Once we were home I went to my room and unpacked and sat on my bed to read and think. I had to decide if I was ready for a boyfriend. I knew from the choices I have made in the past the hardest thing for me was making the decision. It actually started when I had to decide on which piece of candy I wanted long ago. It took 15 minutes for me to decide but after that I enjoyed the gummy bears very much; I always bit their heads off first.

Well, pros and cons, pro I have a boyfriend, con I have a boyfriend. OK that doesn't help, am I happy alone? Yes. But, well, I guess it would be nice to have someone to hug and hold hands with, but I don't feel the need. The cons, I would have undue attention and another person might get injured if they get to close when I fall. Well he is a guy; he should be strong enough to hold me up when I fall since he plays sports. OK, I will agree to go out with him again, but it is not time to commit to being his girlfriend. Done, now what do I want for lunch.


	9. Chapter 8 Routine Change

**8. Routine Change **

Monday, February 18th 2002, 8:12am, in front of the school by the unloading zone, Chris fidgets, again. I decide to head toward the door again, but slower so he catches up before we get to the door. "Hey Bella, I had a great time with you Friday."

"Hey Chris, yeah it was fun, maybe we could do it again sometime."

Plaster huge smile on his face, "So does this mean I am your boyfriend?"

"Well, I think we should have a couple dates and go from there." He opens the door for me and smiles. I bet I could guess what he is thinking _'That wasn't a no and she said she would be up for another date'._ I told him bye and headed to class.

Nothing new till Wednesday toward the end of lunch when Chris came up and asked if I would go out with him this Saturday, to which I replied I would ask my mom if she had anything for me to do and let him know tomorrow. He seemed OK with that and then we chatted for a little while about a new CD he just got. The rest of the day was uneventful so I had a little more time to decide what I wanted to say to my mom.

When she picked me up I figured this could be table conversation so I would hold my tongue till we were eating dinner. After my homework was done and dinner was on the table I decided to go for it. "Mom, you remember that guy that I went out with on Friday?" She nodded giving me her full attention now that a boy was involved. "Well he asked if I would go with him to dinner and a movie this Saturday. I told him I would have to ask to see if you have any plans so you could take me and drop me off."

She thought about it, "Sure honey, I don't have anything planned. I think Phil and I could see a movie and then have dinner so you wouldn't have to have us hover and we would be there when you were finished."

"Sounds good to me." The rest of the meal was relatively silent aside from us trying to figure what was playing and what we wanted to see.

The next day I told Chris I would be able to go and gave him my number so we could figure what we wanted to see and when we would meet. Brenda, wisely, didn't say anything, but was smiling. While Susan acted like nothing new was happening, with me. With her however, it seemed that things had progressed as we were seeing less of her during the lunch hour. That night I got a call from Chris and we figured what time to meet and what we were going to see. After that I just had to wait till Saturday to see what would happen.

Friday was rather boring. Chris started sitting with us at lunch so we would talk or listen to Brenda ramble on about anything and everything. By the afternoon I was glad it was the weekend. I got my homework done that night, most of it and then fixed dinner. Afterward I got ready for bed and read until I fell asleep.

Well rested I was glad it was Saturday, not so glad that I now had to decide what to wear. I figured I would play to my strengths and go with shorts and a blouse. I wasn't going to mess with makeup myself and the hair was destined for a ponytail. We made it to the restaurant, Chris was on the bench in front and mom and Phil dropped me off and headed to the movie. Once we got our table I decided to inform him I would be paying for dinner this time and he could pick up the movie. Timidly he agreed; I am sure he was hoping for this to be a traditional date, but I didn't like not taking care of my half.

We had a nice dinner, talking about school, friends, movies, music, books and anything else we could think of then headed to the theater on the other side of the mall. Once we got there he paid for the tickets and we found a couple seats. He seemed a little bolder this time, I am guessing since there was no audience. When the movie started I had my arms crossed, but after a while I figured I might as well find out what it is like to hold hands so I placed my hand on my leg and then on the arm rest beside him. Not a minute later he took my hand in his. I guess it wasn't too bad; about half way through the movie he interlocked our fingers. We stayed like that for the rest of the movie. As we were leaving I concluded tonight was not going to be my first kiss so once I saw my mom I hugged him again, but before he could try and kiss me I pulled back.

I told him I had a good time and he said he would call me later. I got in the car with mom and Phil and headed home. Mom asked the standard questions and once home I told them good night and went to get ready for bed.

Nothing much changed for the next few weeks. I only had one other date and it wasn't any different, after the date though I had to decide if I wanted a boyfriend. I spent half an hour Sunday morning in bed and really couldn't think of a reason not to at least give it a try. He was cute, nice, a gentleman, and we had a lot in common so he was easy to carry on a conversation with. Well looks like the next time he asks I could say yes, but I would tell him I am not into kissing or anything like that.

I didn't have to wait long, he called that evening to see what I was up to and after an hour on the phone he asked if I had decided if we where boyfriend and girlfriend. I told him yes I suppose we were since we had been on three dates, but I don't think I will be ready to kiss or anything. He said that is fine, he likes holding my hand and asked me out again Friday, which I said most likely, but I would let him know tomorrow for sure.

Since my mom didn't have a problem with it I told him yes and much to my surprise there was little gossip about me and Chris. Brenda, of course, was happy and Susan was pleased for me as well. After lunch it was old news and for the rest of the week it really wasn't ever mentioned. Friday night's date, the first official boyfriend girlfriend date, went well. We walked around the mall hand in hand till it was time for the movie to start. After the movie he had gotten wise and kissed my cheek before hugging me, but we embraced for a little long this time.

I hadn't really paid much attention before as I was anticipating a kiss on the lips after the hug so I was mentally preparing to move. This time as he embraced me I could feel him. I had my arms around his waist and as I pulled him to me his body felt strong and he was warm. He also smelled kind of nice, musky, with a hint of cologne, not over done like so many boys do at school.

I have hugged other people, but not in a relationship kind of way. It was different, not like hugging a boy that is strictly in the friend category. This was more intimate, well as intimate as I was willing to go. I can't say I hated it either, it felt good, natural, but something was off. Maybe it was his body heat or I thought he would be bigger. He wasn't much taller than I was. Maybe it was the kiss on the check that was throwing me off. His lips felt hot on my skin and a little wet where he kissed. It was kind of foreign to me. My mom kisses my head, when she kisses me and Charlie usually only gives me the one arm hug and kisses my head. Not since my Gran was around had I been kissed on the cheek and never by a boy.

Never the less it wasn't a bad experience and I was happy, my mom was happy and everything seemed to be right with the world. For nearly a month things were good until Brenda's boyfriend Joel, dumped her. It turns out there was another girl he was interested in. It was Friday after school and I told her I would come over and we could do each other nails and hair. Major sacrifice on my part, but if it made her happy, so be it. She was consolable at that point, but just barely. Once I got home I packed and headed over to Brenda's. After my mom dropped me off, we talked about everything but boys. Which was fine with me, even though for the first time I would have been able to participate in the conversation, I wonder if that is a bad sign?

We watched a girl power movie and braided each other's hair. Then I painted her nails, messing up many times and she started to tell me about this other guy that was there when Joel broke up with her. Why am I not surprised. I keep my answers short as I do not like how quick she moves on. But she isn't me. I think you should be with one person forever. I guess a little of what my mom is saying about marriage being a big decision is seeping in. I can honestly say once I find the person I can truly love, I will be forever altered and never be able to love another the same way.

The next morning Brenda didn't mention me talking in my sleep again, thankfully. We decided to go to the pool. We called Susan and she come over and Mrs. Stevenson took us. We went to find some chairs, but were not at all surprised to see Gary and Chris there. I was surprised to see Ryan, the guy Brenda was telling me about last night. They were with a few other friends so I got out my 50+ and applied a second coat before settling down to read. After 45 minutes Susan goes off to, I am guessing, make out with Gary. Brenda says she is going to cool off in the pool and I was sure Chris was making his way over since the others left.

"Hey, fancy meeting you here."

I look up from my book and smiled. "I know, you wouldn't think it to look at me, but I actually come out in the sun."

He smiled and sat on Brenda's chair. "You know I have heard of a species that has skin as pale as yours."

I laughed thinking about that book I was looking at in the mall that one day. I looked at him with a straight face "Well, now that you know I have to eat you." After a little laugh he asked what I was reading and if it was any good. Well I was reading it, so I liked it, but told him I doubt he would. I peaked over his shoulder to see Brenda talking to Ryan.

A little later Brenda came back with a smile and Chris said he better get back. I told him to give me a call later if he wanted. He nodded and left. I got Brenda to reapply sun block to my back and read for a while longer before Susan made another appearance. It was obvious what she had been doing, but Brenda and I keep our mouths shut, but couldn't help the smiles.

We called my mom when we were ready and she dropped them off at Brenda's and I grabbed my things and headed home. Once home I unpacked and took a shower and put on my sweat pants and t-shirt. I liked comfy clothes and have been wearing the gray sweats and white t-shirt long enough that they were just starting to get worn in a little. Once I was dressed I headed down to fix dinner.

After we ate I decided to see what was on TV. After twenty minutes of channel surfing I told my mom goodnight and headed to bed, the sun always drained me. It was a very restful dreamless slumber. I woke Sunday ready for a new week to begin and started it by cleaning the house.


	10. Chapter 9 The Breakup

**9. The Breakup **

As summer approaches my life had a new routine, one I didn't think it would have at the beginning of the year. Class, homework, read, dinner, try my mom's latest and greatest fade, talk to my boyfriend, get ready for bed, read, repeat. We would go on dates every couple of weeks or so and while I think he was getting frustrated that I still wouldn't kiss him he never verbalized it.

The last day of school was exciting. Of course my travel plans to see Charlie were made and I would be leaving in a week. I was happy to see Charlie, but even though my parents got me the beautiful Garnet Pendent, I was not so happy about the return to Forks. I guess I was spending more time thinking about my return to purgatory than what my boyfriend had on his mind so I was stunned when he said he wanted to talk.

"Ummm, Bella, I think we should just be friends. I mean you're a nice girl and all, but well you are going to be going away for a while and I just think it would be best if we were friends." Chris said the words, but I am not sure what they meant. I mean I know what they meant, it is just I don't know what he was getting at. I know… WHAT?

"What do you mean; you want to break up with me?" I could feel tears coming and quick.

"Yeah I think you are a really good friend and I just think it would be better for us to be friends. Hang out and stuff, but not be boyfriend and girlfriend."

Tear now free falling I look at him through a watery haze, "OK, if that is what you want." He gave me a hug that reminded me of the ones I gave him in the beginning and ran off.

I stumbled back to mom's car and dropped on the seat like a sack of potatoes, tears free falling from my eyes. My mom took one look at me and understood. She said a few words of encouragement that I couldn't remember for the life of me and took me home. By the time I got home there were three messages, two from Brenda and one from Susan all saying how sorry they were and they just found out and if everything was OK. I don't know, I thought to myself. Is everything OK?

I dragged my feet to my room and flopped face first on to my bed so my sobs would be muffled. I had to think, but I couldn't. I don't think that has ever happened before. So I just cried. A little less than half an hour later my mom came up to see how I was doing and if I was OK. Again with the, 'if I was OK'.

I thought about it for a second and much to my surprise, yes I was. I liked him, but I really didn't think of him as a major part of my life. Certainly not someone I would spend and eternity with. So wiping the water from my eyes, I looked at my mom and nodded.

Smiling, she kissed my forehead and said she would make dinner tonight. "No, no, I got, might as well get back into the swing of things. Besides I need to call Brenda before she freaks out on me." Mom nodded and went to the den and I headed for the kitchen and grabbed the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey Brenda, it's Bella, I figured I better call you back before you exploded."

"I am sooo sorry he did that to you, I can't believe it, he is such a jerk!"

"It's OK I was upset, but it didn't do me any good so I just had to get it out and I'm fine now."

"So did you want to go to the pool before you head back up to that dreary old place?"

"Yeah that would be good, my last reminder of what the sky is supposed to look like." We laughed and talked for a little while longer while I prepped dinner then I called Susan.

"Hello."

"Hey Susan, its Bella."

"Hey Bella, you sound like you are doing OK."

I smiled; she could always read me so well, "Yeah, I think I am. It was hard at first not sure why, shock maybe, but once I thought it through I decided maybe it was for the best. It wasn't like it was going anywhere. Like you said, guys aren't going to stay around until I decided I was ready for more."

"True, I'm sure he likes you, but I think he wanted more than you were willing to give. Sounds cruel and I guess some guys can be, but you are strong and I can tell you are going to be fine." I was nodding to myself as she said this. I guess I knew Chris was wanting more, but I never thought about it, never wanted it.

"So are you going to the pool Friday with Brenda and me before I do my time in isolation?"

"Well yeah, who do you think came up with the idea?" I laughed.

Once we planned the times and got a few more words of encouragement from her, dinner was ready and we got off the phone and I called my mom to come eat. She was unusually quiet. I guess she was letting me work through this and just making sure I was healing. I know in the near future I would see Chris with another girl and they would be making out. I felt certain he wanted to move further with me, but I really wasn't ready for it so I decided I would respect his decision to breakup with me and move on. It would be quite easy since I was about to spend a month in another state without seeing him.

The pool was the same as it always seemed to be, reading and reapplying sun block with a couple dips to cool off. I had a good time and thanked Brenda and Susan before I left and told them I would miss them and they had better email me and let me know the weather here was horrible, rainy, and cold. We all laughed as I got in my mom's car and headed home to pack.

Since I didn't wear cool weather clothes that often I never had many so it never took me long to pack all that I had. I dug out my rain coat that I hadn't worn in a year and took everything downstairs so I would be ready to leave tomorrow morning and headed back up to get ready for bed and read.

The next morning I was on the plane heading back to Forks to see Charlie. The whole flight I kept debating how to bring up my dislike for this place and how we could compromise on my visitations. By the time I arrived I decided to wait, at least till most of the way through. I would wait for a very rainy dull day, I would get a little temper and demand that next year we meet in California for a couple weeks so we both could be on vacation. That way he could spend some time in a warm sunny climate and also be on vacation.

The first few weeks held no surprises, no excitement and no sun. Charlie worked, went fishing and took me to the Black's house up on the Quileute Reservation near Forks to play with his daughters that were older and had boyfriends and were not in the mood to do anything, but talk to their boyfriends and his younger son Jacob who was sort of cute, but too young and very immature, and of course liked sports and was really into cars. He said he was learning how to fix them and would help one of his friends' dad change the oil in their car and check fluid levels. I was impressed he like working with his hands and was good at it too. But he was something like a year and a half younger than me though, so not really interested, as we didn't have much in common to talk about.

One morning I got my chance to approach the subject of mutual vacations. It was pouring rain on a Saturday and dad was stuck inside with nowhere to go. I got ready and put on my comfy clothes grabbed my book and went down to grab breakfast. As I flopped on the couch with my bagel I gave an, over the top, sigh.

"What's wrong Bells?"

Excellent, "Nothing dad it is just," pause for dramatic effect, "well this is my vacation, but it really is supposed to be yours to you know. I can't see being stuck in the house you live in with it raining over half the time I am here would be a vacation for you. I was thinking maybe next year, how about we go to California or something for a couple weeks. You can see the sun and we can be tourists for while." I looked hopefully at him and I could tell he wasn't much into the idea.

"I don't know, I still have my job here and it works out that I can spend time with you and still work."

"Yeah, but dad, your Chief now, doesn't the Chief of Police of Forks get a break every once in a while? I mean I like spending time with you, dad, but I kind of feel trapped and would really like to go somewhere together. You know, other than where you live, like a real vacation." Plastering please all over my face in hopes that he would realize this is what I really wanted and relent.

"Well, I'll talk to Renée about it and see what we can work out."

"OK." I was banking that was the best I would get for now so better to let them figure it out later.

Now I had to get to mom and really push her to convince him this is what I want. I am sure she would need little encouragement. After all she left Forks when I was only a few months old. Confident in my victory I turned to my book to escape the rain soaked green forest and moss covered ground. If I didn't fly here I would swear this had to be a different plant, not that I was totally convinced it wasn't.

The last week of my punishment went by at a snail's pace. Nothing changed after our talk, I was hoping he would take me to Seattle or something to do some site seeing, not that we hadn't seen everything there, twice, but still. As we headed to the airport he assured me that he would talk to mom and we'll figure something out. I thanked him as I got out, told him I loved him, and headed in the airport. I was glad Charlie wasn't mushy and overly emotional like my mom. We seemed to get along well; he let me be most of the time so all in all it wasn't a bad trip, just cold and wet and I hate cold wet things. If it was sunny then I might not mind it as much.

Once I landed and got my bags in the car I gave my mom the heads up about my idea of a Californian vacation with Charlie. She smiled; I bet she was thinking why it took me this long to put my foot down. Once home I started another summer in Phoenix, much like last years, and the year before. I wondered to myself if there was anything exciting to do. I never had a pull towards anything around here or in Forks. I just went about my days following the dots of my life, no real purpose to it as far as I could tell. It was like my purpose in life hasn't found me yet. I was destined for greatness. I laughed at myself. Like anything about me would ever be great, I am plain, boring and I don't fit in with any group in school. I am an outcast of the outcast group. With the exception of a few friends that tolerate me in their life I don't fit in with anyone.

Enough self loathing, it was time to start my real summer vacation. First thing on my agenda was going to the pool and drying off. In attendance would be me, Brenda, her new boyfriend, Susan and her Gary. Those two seemed to be much closer than when I left, but I didn't want to pry. There were sleepovers, movies, dinners, back to school shopping and more of the same old things for the rest of the summer. It held my attention and kept me going, but that is about the extent of it.

Before my eight grade year I got a letter from my English teacher and we were to write two essays, not long, about 1: What we did over the summer break. and 2: What we wanted to be after college. I had to think about it. Summer break question was easy, spent a month in a town where nothing interesting or exciting happens. Then came back to Phoenix and dried off. What do I want to be when I grow up? I honestly wasn't sure, how about I stay young and stay in school, forever. I giggled a little at that crazy idea. Truthfully though there was no desire in me to be anything. With no direction I decided to play it safe and stick with my mom's career path of teaching. At least I could pretend it was something I was interested in, as I knew a little about it. It was a short essay to say the least.


	11. Chapter 10 Engaged

**10. Engaged**

Day one in eighth grade Brenda, Susan, and I were going to class. I saw Chris and his new girlfriend; apparently they got together while I was away. He seemed happy and I really wasn't jealous, so I said hey to him as I continued to class. I was glad to have it be back to the way it was at the start of last year. Everything felt right. Everything was right; the rest of that year was pretty uneventful. My birthday was nice and low key, Halloween was fun even though I was still fifth wheel. Thanksgiving might as well have been a carbon copy of the previous year as was Christmas and New Year. The hardest part of the holidays was my grandma wasn't around and my mom took it hard, but Phil and I help as best we could. By the time Singles Awareness Day came around again I was happy with my life, for those of you in a relationship that would be Valentine's Day.

It was mid March before things took an unexpected turn. My mom made arrangements for me to stay at Brenda's who was single for the first time in a while, but I knew better; there was a guy she was looking at every day. I guess I was happy for the change it was actually for the whole weekend, Mrs. Greene was going to take me to her place after school and bring me back to school Monday, which was definitely new. My mom just smiled when I asked what was going on and she said she and Phil were going away for the weekend. OK, I could understand wanting to get away from the teenage daughter for awhile, so I didn't say anything more.

Brenda and I had a great time, although there were makeovers and pedicures involved, I still had fun. Though while I was there my monthly friend came calling. I was reminded of the first time I got it since I had to borrow a pad from Brenda. This was really stupid because I was like clockwork and am always prepared, or almost always I guess.

Thank god my first time happened with my mom, I was home minding my own business when Mother Nature let me know I was maturing. Luckily we have been taught all about it and was able to get a pad from my mom. She then took me to the store to buy a bunch of my own and got me tampons. Really didn't plan on using those, but she said if I was going to go to a pool I would be glad I had them. I relented and told her I would learn about them later. She was right of course I did learn how to use them and was glad to have them during the summer months.

Luckily that was the most eventful thing that happened over the weekend and it was back school Monday, which was the same as any other except it looked like Brenda found her new boyfriend. When my mom picked me up that afternoon she was glowing and practically bouncing in her seat.

Before I even had a chance to ask what was going on, "I'm Engaged!"

WHAT! What happened to marriage is bad and don't get married. "So that is what the long weekend was for, I'm so happy for you." I looked at the ring; it was simple, but lovely. She told me it was going to be a longer engagement, they were planning on late September of the next year as his baseball schedule would make it tough to plan something to quickly so he wanted to give her plenty of time to do it the way she wanted.

On our way home she was talking a mile a minute. Telling me all the plans she had about getting married. After her last wedding she was bound and determined to go somewhere sunny and warm. It was mostly sunny and warm in Phoenix, but she wasn't taking a chance on a freak rain storm, she was going to Mexico. I just nodded and said that would be a lot of fun, expensive, but fun. She was just too happy; I didn't really believe that we would end up there. I decided on the off chance that she followed through with the plans I was going to go ahead and start the process for getting my passport. Better to go ahead and get a passport when you don't need one than wait till you have to have it. You never know when you might have to take off on short notice for an impromptu vacation.

I could tell then it was beginning to be an issue with my always being around. Phil was with a new team and he was traveling a little more. They didn't have the free time they did when I had a boyfriend and was going out about every other weekend. Bonus though was they were going out and leaving me home alone, later than usual. Not that I did anything but read or watch a movie while they were gone. I really was a boring person.

By the end of the year I was actually glad I was going to be starting high school. It felt like I was going to be with an older more mature crowd. Maybe I would find a boyfriend, wasn't hopeful though. From what my mom always told me the only thing a high school guy wants from a girl is in her pants. I guess I would have to wait and see if I can find someone with morals. Though it seemed for the most part those died in the early 1900s. But all that would have to wait; I had a trip to San Diego, California to pack for.

After much back and forth with my mom and me, Charlie finally realized I was standing my ground and when he knew my mom was backing me, he caved. I was actually excited to see Charlie. Half because it was going to be somewhere warm and dry for the most part, but also because it would give my mom and her Fiancé some time alone. It would be a shorter trip, only two weeks, since it was going to be a real vacation for the both of us, but I was glad for it.

When he picked me up we checked into the hotel, I was so glad he got me my own room and by extension my own bathroom. That night we had dinner caught him up on what all was going on. He already knew about Renée and Phil so that was a conversation I didn't touch. Then we planned on what to do the rest of the time and what we wanted to see. For the next two weeks I enjoyed myself as much as possible, made sure we went to all the places on Charlie's list so he would have a good time too. It did rain one day so I joked with him, and told him Forks missed him and the rain came to remind him of home. He chuckled, and nodded. I jokingly asked if there was anything new and exciting, since I knew his reply would be no, same thing you've seen for the past 14 years.

"Actually yeah, a family is moving in town, might be there by now, a doctor, his wife and adopted kids there are 5 children actually."

"Wow, they wanted to move to Forks?"

"Well seems the wife was a small town girl most of her life and he was a big city doctor, she got fed up with it and he gave in." That was the about the longest conversation we had. Charlie was never one to talk your head off. A little small talk was a good conversation, any more was in excess.

By the end of my first real vacation, ever, with Charlie he dropped me off at the airport and told me he would love to have me back at Forks anytime. I smiled, 'not in this life time' I thought to myself, nodded and left. When my mom picked me up it was the standard script with only the intro changed, how was San Diego, not how was Forks. After all her questions I asked her if she had a good time, and she said she did, but I could tell she was a little sad. It turns out Phil was at a game, left yesterday wouldn't be back three more days.

Back to a summer at Phoenix with high school on the horizon, I jumped in feet first, I was taught always jump feet first the first time. So, I called Brenda to see what was going on and we made plans to have a sleepover the night Phil came back and go to the pool the next day. It seemed that Susan and Gary were joined at the hip now. Brenda never saw them apart. In fact since school ended Susan hadn't been seen without him. I think it is a little much that you have to be around someone 24/7. I think I would get sick of someone if they were around that much, but I guess if you are truly in love you would want to be with them forever.

Surprisingly Susan did agree to come over to Brenda's that night and I bet meet Gary at the pool the next day. Gary said there was a transfer student who was starting 9th grade with us and he was going to bring him along, I would guess it was for my benefit. So as we headed to the pool Brenda and Susan are adjusting each other's new bikinis that have gotten smaller. Me and my one piece are just fine thank you. We got out of the car and the guys were waiting at the gate.

I immediately see the new guy and he is cute, I dare say handsome. He was pretty tan with toned arms, legs and chest with nice abs, but nothing too much. With dark brown hair that is a mess, done on purpose and brown eyes, like mine but a little darker, and a pleasant smile. He was not to tall, 5'10" I would guess but had big hands and feet, I'm guessing he will be taller by the time school starts.

Gary introduces the new guy as Bobby. I smiled and shook his hand. His hand was warm and he gave me a firm hand shake. As we headed to our chairs, we started a little conversation of our own. The standard get to know you questions, guess it was easier to get those out of the way. After four hours of talking, swimming and applying sun block we were ready to leave. During that time I found that I actually did like this new guy. We had music and books in common, well some anyway. He was a nice guy, but he was into anime, sports, and video games, but I could overlook that since much of the male population seems to be.

As we were leaving he asked for my number and asked if it would be OK if he called me sometime to go out with him. I smiled, nodded, and gave him my number. It was sudden, but what the hell; he did seem like a nice guy. Once I got back home, I showered and found my PJs. They were really getting broken in so they are becoming the perfect lounge wear, might have a hole started on one of the knees, but that just means they are almost perfect. I made dinner for mom, Phil and I. He had an apartment, but he seemed to stay her most of the time, since their engagement. After dinner I headed up to bed.

The next day Bobby called. I was surprised; I thought there was a time frame for this sort of thing. We actually talked for hours on the phone and made plans to meet at the mall Thursday around lunch. So I had two full days to figure out what I was going to wear. I didn't want to call Brenda, she would be over the top and I wasn't sure I wanted to call Susan, first because she would be with Gary and second I wasn't sure about Bobby and didn't want anyone to start the gossip before I decided if I actually liked him liked him.

It was Thursday and I was ready, I hope. My mom dropped me off at the food court and I say him in shorts and a polo. Lucky from me I wore shorts and a baby doll tee instead of the skirt I was considering two days ago. We walked around for a little while, going in stores at random. I went in Limited just to pretend I was a girlie girl and we went to Brookstone, it was a fun store. Then we made our way back to the food court and ate lunch, he paid, put only after agreeing that I owed him lunch later. Then we headed up stairs and walked around some more. He went in Hot Topic and a few minutes later I was face to face with a vampire.

Complete with mask, cape and a cup-o-blood. I had to laugh, it was just too funny not too. He took off the mask and looking really mean, not really, but trying, "I am dangerous! I want to drink your blood and you laugh at me?" I giggled. "I bet you would run and hide if you meet a vampire, but here you are standing and laughing in the face of your doom."

"I would not run away from a vampire. A little garlic and holy water would keep them at bay and a cross would ensure my safety. Besides, they would think I was one of them."

Holding my arm up to the pale face mask, he looked at it and shrugged and nodded, "You got me there."

After a few more jokes, mostly at my expense, we continued our mall tour. As we walked around we talked about everything: family, friends, likes, dislikes, what we do in our free time, what our favorite food is. Then he asked how many guys I dated. That was an easy one for me and I took full advantage to see where he thought this would lead.

"One, if you could call it a boyfriend, the second half of my seventh grade year. All we did was hold hands and went to movies and dinner. I am not much of a physical relationship person so he broke it off before the summer."

"Wow, I thought after what Gary had said about Brenda you would have had more than one. I can see the appeal of being with someone because you like them for who they are and not get mixed up in physical relationships. I have had three girlfriends, one from early 5th to middle of that summer the next from 6th grade Christmas holidays till beginning of 7th and the last from early 7th until just before I moved here." He stated. It didn't seem like many to me especially now that I was thinking about how many 'boyfriends' Brenda has had.

I know she kisses boys; I've sent it, even though I could have done without seeing it, but not sure if they all break up with her or if she has broken up with any of them. "As far as being physical I haven't been past second base and am in no hurry. Things happen when they happen, there is no need to rush into it if you aren't ready for." OK I did like him now, nice, understanding, it sounded like he was a lot like Gary, and he talked about things before he broke up with two of the girls, one broke it off him.

I smiled "I agree, I have never thought a physical relationship was that important. By the way, what is second base?"

He laughed, "Umm, well it is when a guy would put his hand up your shirt."

"Oh. OH! No never done that, never kissed a guy either, to be honest."

He just smiled at me, "Well I must admit that I do like you, but not wanting to rush how about we be friends and go from there." He held out his hand, I took a step closer and took it, it felt nice, still warm, but it fit well.

"I suppose that would be a good idea, since we just meet. But please know I am what I am, I doubt I'll change anytime soon." I cautioned him.

"We'll cross that bridge when we get to it." And we continued around until we got back to the food court and I called my mom. As we sat on the bench holding hands I was thinking, this isn't so bad. Once my mom arrived we hugged, if felt right with him, not forced, just fitting myself in his embrace. I pulled back to leave and he told me he would call me tomorrow. I smiled nodded and got in the car.

True to his word he called, the next day and every few days thereafter. We would go to the movies, dinner, walk around the mall, and go to the water park, a museum or the pool. For the rest of the summer I was busy. He never tried to kiss me and I hated to admit this, but I did actually like the guy. It was nice having him around when he came over to watch a movie with me. I would actually try to make something a little special when he was coming over, if I ever admitted it, which I wouldn't, I was showing off. Soon we were getting ready for our ninth grade year.

Once school started things just shifted a little to make room for homework. Nothing else really changed. As my birthday approached I warned him I didn't like presents and to not make a big deal out of it. He agreed and we went to dinner with mom and Phil. True to his word he got me a card and little teddy bear. My mother had gotten me a pair of silk pajamas from Victoria Secret! I couldn't believe it and I was blushing because I opened them in front of Phil. It wasn't that they were inappropriate, it was just embarrassing. Of course I really didn't have any intention of wearing them, I like my sweatpants and shirt I bought a couple years ago, they were finally broken in, my shirt had a little hole on the right side, which is the only way to tell if clothes are properly worn in.

When we got back to the house Bobby and I sat outside for a little while. As we sat holding hands I was getting nervous. Finally not able to stand it any longer I turned my head a little to Bobby.

"I… umm there is something I want for my birthday."

"Oh, I thought you didn't like presents?"

"I don't, but this doesn't cost money." He looked at me intrigued. "I'd like you to kiss me."

He looked into my eyes and must have seen my sincerity because he turned toward me place his left hand behind my head as he was still holding my hand with his right. As he pulled me toward him his lips were closed so I kept mine the same and he gently pressed his lips to mine. Soft, it felt nice, not to rough, but had enough force to know there was passion behind it. After a few seconds I felt his lips part and his tongue on my lower lip. A second later I realized I had opened my mouth without thinking about it and his tongue was in my mouth massaging my tongue. It was wet as I used my tongue and mimic his movements. It was strange to say the least, but not uncomfortable. I am not sure how long we kissed, but I heard my mom's shoes on the floor and he pulled back.

It was then I realized I had closed my eyes. He kissed my lips again quickly and we both leaned back and wiped our mouths just before my mom stuck her head out. "Bobby your mom is on her way, she should be here in a few minutes."

"OK Ms. Swan, thank you." She shut the door and he looked at me, I guess to see if I liked it. I smiled and told him it was nice and I enjoyed it. Which I did, it was just in the books I read the first kiss was suppose to take your breath away. Like you have to force yourself to remember to breathe, you get lost in his eyes and forget your name. There is suppose to be this electrical spark between the two of you but there was nothing. I guess you can't always believe everything you read.


	12. Chapter 11 Permit

**11. Permit**

So I was 15, in the ninth grade and I kissed my first boy. I woke up the next morning happy and smiling. I would say it was a good kiss, at least I think so, I hope I was good, I had no comparison. What if I was bad and he was telling his friends about it? Was I bad? It didn't seem like he hated it. Was he just being nice, it was my first time after all? Maybe if we do it again he would tell me if I am doing something wrong, or maybe he won't talk to me again because I was so bad.

AHHHHH, get out of bed before you drive yourself up a wall, the kiss was good and you enjoyed it, even though it wasn't what you expected. He enjoyed it too now get in the shower and get to school. After that I was good. Once I got to school and saw Bobby I knew everything was OK. He had a grin on his face that went from ear to ear. He walked up to me when he saw me pulled me into his embrace and gave me a quick kiss on the lips. By the time he pulled back I was red from ear to ear. He saw the color of my face, chuckled and apologized. I playfully smacked him on the arm and curled up against his chest as he hugged me again. I asked if this means we were dating. He simply replied it is whatever I want it to be. Once the bell rang we headed to class.

For the rest of the day we didn't really touch, other than hands. In fact once he realized my reaction to embarrassment we didn't do much in the way of public displays of affection. We did have a date to go see a movie. It was one I had already seen, but he hadn't so I was OK with what I was pretty sure was going to be a Susan style make out session. Which made me blush, and I was kind of looking forward to it. So logically the rest of the week went by so slowly.

Finally date night was here, but I didn't want to be to temping because I didn't want to give him the wrong impression so I stuck with slacks and shirt, tucked in, just in case. I did fix my hair a little and wore kitten heels not sandals, but still shied away from makeup. My mom dropped my off at the mall entrance as we were going to walk around before we ate and then go see the movie. We hugged and did a quick pop kiss when he greeted me, then the rest of the time we just held hands.

Once we got our seats in the theater we held hands and chatted about school and homework that we had to get done for next week. Once the movie started we quietly started watching it. After the big beginning scene, about 20 minutes in, he turned toward me and started kissing me. As I expected we made out for most of the movie. He was a gentleman and didn't try and touch me anywhere he shouldn't. He had one hand on my leg, at my knee, with his other arm around me holding my shoulder and arm. Once he grabbed my waist, toward the end when it was about over, and pulled me into him. After that he did another quick kiss and sat back for the closing scene. As we headed out I was telling him about what all he missed, just in case anyone asked.

Not much change over the next few months. Phil would sneak me out when Renee was busy and let me drive around the neighborhood and for the first time I was not a fifth wheel at Halloween. I ended up at two Thanksgiving dinners and two Christmas celebrations and a New Year Eve party that was very enjoyable, the first time I was kissing a guy at the turn of the New Year. Valentine's Day was very nice; we did dinner, just the two of us and went to see a play, Phantom of the Opera, which I love. After the show Phil picked us up and we went back to my house where his mom was waiting. We kissed goodnight and he left.

As the year progressed and my mom's wedding was getting near the anxiety level was peaking. She already had most of the major things done so not sure what was going on there. But I just sat back and kept my head down and let her figure things out. As expected the Mexico idea was out, even though I had my passport already.

It was nice to get to school and be around sane people because my mother was driving me nuts at this point. After a few more months of my new routine I was glad to be close to summer. I was also glad that Charlie had agreed to San Francisco this year. Bobby and I were doing well; it was nice in such a big school because no one seemed to notice or care about anyone outside of their group. Not to mention a couple middle schools made up the High School so there had been a lot of new 9th graders and everyone seemed to stick to their pervious groups. Even in a school of 3,000 I really didn't fit in with anyone of the groups and had just my few friends. But, as far as school years goes, I am ranking this as the best yet, aside from math and gym, where I was barely passing and getting bruised, battered and beaten up, by myself.

The last day of class was great, we all ran out as fast as we could, well I walked swiftly, as running is never a good idea for me. My mom wasn't there yet so Bobby took a moment to kiss me goodbye, even though we were going to the pool in like three days. He was still being a gentleman and not doing anything I didn't want to do. I couldn't believe my luck when you think about it. Brenda had gone a lot further than I, not sex, I don't think, but close. I learned Susan had gone all the way with Gary, but decided not to tell us all about it, like she seems to do everything else. I don't bring it up and she doesn't talk about it except the few times it slipped, like the pain of her first time, which was the only reason we actually knew she had. Besides that we haven't talked about our relationships much, or at least they haven't to me. Maybe because I have only kissed a guy, but whatever, nothing can bring me down right now as I see my mom pulling up.

Big news for this summer, I was getting my permit before I left for California. I had passed the driver's ed test and have been driving with Phil in the neighborhood. He is actually a very good and patient teacher. He is good at motivating me and teaching me what I do right and wrong, but also helping me improve; parallel parking, it should be outlawed.

The next day my mom took me to get my permit and I passed, I was so excited, so I was licensed to drive. I ran out and stood by the driver's side door with my hand out. My mom looked at me and laughed, but handed me the keys so I forgive her. I was a very cautious driver. Kept close to the speed limit, there is no reason to go faster than what is posted. And made use of my turn signal, even if I was just changing lanes and when we got home safe and sound my mom was impressed. I know she knew I was taking lessons from Phil, but she has never really seen me drive. Apparently I drive better than I walk. So for the next few weeks I drove everywhere. Went to Brenda's and Susan's a couple nights, the pool, the mall for some clothes for California, dinner dates with Bobby, it was great.

The night before I had to go visit Charlie, Bobby and I went to see another movie we had both watched. I was nervous because we were making out all the time and he seemed to be getting a little more anxious, or restless might be better, like he wanted more. So I bit my lower lip and looked in the closet, I picked out my nice shorts that I just bought and a new button down. The movie has been out for a while so I was hoping it wouldn't be crowded. I am not sure I was ready for this, but I did like Bobby and we had been together almost a year now. I was ready for this; it is just second base and not like much could happen.

I jumped in the driver seat making my mom my passenger again and headed to the theater. Once we got there Bobby was waiting, tickets in hand. Damn, now he is two up on me. I better get a job at a bookstore when I get back so I'll have some extra money. I headed over to him and as my mom pulled away he leaned in to kiss me, "You look amazing!" I blushed, no I don't I am not really that pretty just another girl who's face would get lost in a little crowd.

"Thanks." Was all I could manage.

We found some seat that were in a little shadow and sat and talked till the movie started. As the lights lowered I felt his hands touching me leg and I turned to meet his lips. After that we were kissing and the movie was forgotten. After about three quarters of the way through I chickened out. I told him he could touch me, but not go up my shirt, if he would like. I should have saved my breath at the last part, he was there almost before I finished saying it. The rest of the 'movie' was pleasant not rough, but enough amount of pressure, I kind of enjoyed it, I suppose. Though I don't understand the male's obsession with second base, I mean they are for baby's milk. But he certainly seemed to enjoy it as the kisses were deep and long. It was good, but as much as I enjoyed kissing Bobby, I still had a nagging feeling it was suppose to be better. I never felt a connection, a spark, not really.

After the movie ended I straightened my clothes that twisted and he seemed to do the same then we kissed once more. I applied a little lip gloss as my lips were a little chapped and lightly kissed him, which he thanked me, but rubbed in the gloss. Once we left, mom and Phil were waiting; mom was in the back and Phil in the passenger seat. I hugged and kissed Bobby and told him I would miss him and call him when I got to California.

I drove home and headed to my room; I was already packed so I jumped in the shower and went straight to bed. That night I dreamt about that damn grass area again. I hope I didn't call out Edward again, but couldn't tell. I keep thinking it is suppose to be a scary place or a place with something scary, but I never got that feeling when I was there. When I wake up I feel a shiver, that is always how it has been but in recent months I have dreamt about it a couple times. Prior it was less than once a year so I never put it together with the dream. Oh well time to see Charlie so I'll put that thought on the back burner and get ready for my vacation.


	13. Chapter 12 Job

**12. Job**

At the start of my vacation I was having a good time. We did everything we wanted, site seeing, tours, museums, a play, dinner, and I even agreed to go to a mall a couple times. I couldn't help it, but I was having fun with Charlie. Of course we weren't in Forks and it wasn't raining so that might have had a lot to do with it too. As our time came to a close I decided I should ask about the sun forsaken place. He told me everything was very good. There haven't been many accidents this past year but there were 3 fatalities involving reckless and dangerous motorcycles, every year he had to mention that. And apparently the new doctor, whatever his name was really was making an impression with the town's folk. The only problem seemed to be that he and his best friend Billy Black had a major argument over it and it wasn't completely resolved even though it has been about a year now.

After that we finished up the vacation on a warm summer day and I headed back to sunny Phoenix while he headed back to rainy Forks. I still don't understand why anyone would stay there willingly; I mean there is hardly ever any sun. Once on the plane I tuned out and read my book till I landed in Phoenix. I got in on the driver's side and headed home. It was a short trip; now that I was driving everything seem to take less time, even though I never actually speed, Charlie being a Chief of Police instilled a lot of driving rules in me early on, then main one, speed kills.

Once home I went in to unpack and get my comfy clothes on. I headed down to get dinner going. I guess I enjoy eating out just as much as the next person, but after two weeks straight it is nice to have a home cooked meal, even if I have to cook it. While the chicken was marinating I called Bobby, I hadn't talked with him in ten days so I wanted to let him know I was home. After a brief chat we decided to go to dinner and the movies in a couple days and I reminded him it was mine turn to pay. He reluctantly agreed before he hung up and I told my mom about the plans and asked if she could take me to the bookstore.

"What could you possibly need at the bookstore; you have a better selection than they do."

"Ha Ha, I was thinking about seeing if they would hire me part time so I could make some extra money for my dates with Bobby."

"You know it is traditional to have the guy pay." Phil piped up on this conversation.

"I know but I am not traditional in that sense. I like everything in balance."

"OK honey I'll take you before lunch, but will need to be back by 1."

"No problem, just wanted to see if they are hiring and maybe get another book." I smirked, my mom laughed, and I served dinner.

After we ate I went up to read before bed. It was a long two week vacation and Charlie and I did a lot, but I wasn't tired, just didn't want to watch baseball with Phil and Renée. As I lay in bed looking at my book I let my mind wander.

Not sure what I was thinking or if I really was because before I knew it I was asleep, or at least I think I was, I hope I was. I was in Forks, surrounded by a squishy green ground, tall green trees with their trunks covered in more green stuff and it was wet and overcast. I felt like something in the woods was coming toward me or maybe it was already beside me. I was walking in the woods toward a bright area ahead I could just make an open area, it was hard to tell what it was, but it seemed like a hole in the forest. As I got closer I could make out more shapes and realized there were flowers on the ground and the sun was out and shining brightly in the little area. OH GOD, I woke up with a start and the light that was still on blinded me. It was the grassy circle I had been dreaming about and it was in Forks?

I got up and went to the bathroom, splashed water on my face, turned off the light and went back to bed. Why did I just dream about somewhere I haven't been in two years? And why was I dreaming about somewhere I have never been? I shrugged. Not really sure, but I forced myself to fall back to sleep again. By the next morning I was rested and didn't even worry about the weird dream as I got ready to go to the bookstore. I put on my best skirt and a nice blouse and flats, fixed my hair, applied a little make-up and was ready to go.

I didn't really expect to get a job, but I was very glad I did. It was part time four days a week for five hours a day and if I wanted to I could continue during the school year, they would just change some hours a little. I was excited, they even let me us my discount on the two books I got. I took my work schedule and went to meet my mom out front.

She was happy for me; there wasn't a conflict of days, so far, so that was good. I called Bobby when we got home and he was happy for me also. He said he might be getting a job as well in the mall, which might be fun. He was turning sixteen in a few weeks so I was looking forward to not having to rely on my mother or Phil all the time. The sooner the better, although I was worried, now he was getting a car I hope he doesn't try and speed things up, over the shirt was the most I was willing to go for now.

Guess that is something I don't have to worry about yet so I headed upstairs to change. Once I found my comfy clothes I grabbed one of my new books and went down to get lunch. My mom had a meeting to go to and Phil was off at a practice session, so I was home alone. I made lunch and ate it quickly and went to lie on the couch and read. About 5pm I got up to start dinner and soon after my mom came home. We ended up eating around 7pm as Phil's practice ran late. Which didn't matter too much, the food was still hot and we ate in relative silence. After I cleaned the kitchen I headed up to my room to check email and read.

I got an evite for Bobby's 16th party, which of course I responded, but also check to see who else was invited and coming. I was glad to see my friends were going to be there, the few I had. After I shut down the computer I went to lie on the bed and read until I couldn't keep my eyes open. My normal, random, dream sequence was tonight and it was a talk less night. I woke up relieved and decided I would get the house clean and marinade something for dinner tonight.

After a fulfilling day of house work I went up to get clean myself. Once I was done, I went down to watch TV, Bobby called about a while later and we talked and made plans for tomorrow. He said he got the job at a little sports place in the mall and he started the day after his 16th birthday. I complemented him on his evite and he laughed and said his mom did those and that she went overboard with the whole birthday. After that we got off the phone and I went to flip the chicken.

After dinner I did something unusual, I stayed down stairs with Phil and Renée and watch TV. Not wanting to make me too uncomfortable we decided on a safe, neutral ground show that none of us loved or hated. After two hours it was time for me to read myself to sleep. I had a date tomorrow and needed my beauty rest, I crack myself up. It isn't like I could sleep for a few days and wake up changed.

I slept in, and awoke rested and ready. I went down to eat some breakfast and sit around the house for a little while. After lunch I called Bobby and we decided to get started a little earlier and go play putt-putt first, something that could be very bad considering it was a heavy metal object and a projectile. But I agreed and made sure my mom would be able to take me and headed off to get ready. Not wanting to go crazy I wore my skort and a sleeveless button down. After a generous dose of sun block I figured I was ready and grabbed the keys and yelled for my mom.

Once we got to the place, he was standing in the gate with 2 clubs and two balls ready to go. I smiled at him and as soon as my mother was out of site, kissed him. For not wanting to have a boyfriend in the past it was pretty nice. We had fun playing, or he did, I think I scored an 18, on each hole. Much to my surprise I did trip a few times, I had thought it would be more, but never took anyone out and amazingly never broke skin. All in all it was a good game.

Once we were ready to leave there, his mom picked us up and took us over to the mall. We walked and talked again. It was amazing how he never ran out of things to say, which was a good thing because I was not a big talker. When it came time for dinner we found a neat little restaurant, I insisted on paying now that I had a job and he agreed, but was going to pay for the movie now that he had a job. We laughed for a while about how absurd it was that we were actually glad to be working. Our whole lives ahead of us and we wanted to start working now when our parents said we needed to concentrate on school and didn't have to work.

That brought up his next round of questions about what I wanted to study in college and what I wanted to do or if I had given it much thought. I told him about the paper I had to write before my 8th grade year and then had to talk about them in class. The teacher had tied it in with a lesson that we started first of the year about how many kids would already be working in factories and if the parents were poor they might start working as early as 8 years old. Once I gave him my school assignment answer I gave him my more thought out answer well both of them.

"My first thought was to be young and in school forever, but since that can't happen. I have no idea, and by that I mean I have no clue, no inkling, nothing."

He just sat there a moment and said, "Well I think that is how most people are at our age. We don't see enough of the world to know what is out there to do."

I nodded, "When I use to visit Charlie, my dad, in Forks, Washington, there are people that are born there and die there. They might take vacations out of town, but that is there whole life. Work in the local dinner or be a teacher or a logger until they die."

He shook his head, "You would think that at some point they would realize there are some areas in this country with sun." I whole hearted agreed.

As for college I told him I would base that on what college I could get accepted to and afford to go to. He seemed interested in sports medicine and that there were some really good colleges around that offer it, but was not sure if he wants to stay this close to home. I smiled and agreed. Might be nice to get away from my mother and definitely want to stay away for the Olympic Peninsula. Once we finished we headed to the movies, I asked if there was anything he had been wanting to see. He said yes, but not in the theaters and grinned. I smacked his arm and told him I'm not like that.

Once we got our tickets, we found some seats in a shadow and the movie started, so did we. By the end of the movie I think we saw a total of five minutes. Luckily we had talked with some people earlier about the movie so we knew the plot and if it was good. We also formed our opinion from the previews as to whether it would be a show that we would like. As I straightened my shirt, he kissed my nose and smiled. When we got to the lobby I called my mom and we sat out on a bench and discussed the movie that we heard about.

By the time my mother showed up we had a good enough idea that would pass when the parents asked about it. I gave him a quick kiss and walked around to the driver's side. My mom got out and smiled as she went over the take her new place in the passenger side. Once we left she naturally asked the how was the movie, which I naturally told her the plot and opinion I just came up with. By the time we got home it was time for me to go to bed, I was tired.

Once I got in bed I started to really try and think about what I wanted to do, it seems like that is what everyone else was doing. What jobs have I seen that I liked or thought would be fun? Who have I talked to that said they had a cool job or that they enjoyed what they did. In truth I couldn't think of anything or anyone. I liked to read, but couldn't see myself being a writer. There is not money in that unless you come up with some weird plot about wizards or some other mythical creatures and I don't think I am that creative. I wonder if I could be paid to just read, I doubted it.

I know, I will marry rich! Of course that will be in about twenty years when my mom finally decides I am old enough. Not that I really have much of a desire to be married. I think that committing yourself for life should be enough, why go through all the planning and fuss of the wedding when it is over in a matter of hours. I stared at the ceiling thinking about the boys now days, they aren't really into marriage. Unless I find someone that is really old fashion maybe we could just live together and be happy. By the time I am ready for marriage I bet it will be more common for couples to just live together than be married.


	14. Chapter 13 License to Drive

**13. License to Drive**

Bobby turns 16 today! He decided to have a pretty big party and thanks to the e-vites I at least know that my friends are going to be there. It seems that Brenda, Susan and I are all spending more time with our boyfriends than each other, especially Susan since her boyfriend turned 16 and got a car several months ago. Guess I can't blame them any more than they could blame me. We still go to the pool every once in a while and sometimes have a slumber party. Those have gotten more interesting as we have gotten older.

I miss them, but still spend most of my time with my mom or a good book. But I certainly am having fun tonight; well not really, I am not a big crowd person and being the girlfriend of the birthday boy, it is hard to hide. But I smile and hope I don't trip and ruin the cake. As the party comes to a close I give Bobby a big kiss and ask if he had a good birthday. He said he did, but he would have rather been alone with me. I smiled and kissed him again.

Soon after my mom came and got me. We had already decided that he would come pick me up tomorrow and we would go to the pool and meet Susan, Gary, Brenda, and who ever Brenda's newest flame was. I was looking forward to not having to rely on Renée or Phil to cart me around all the time.

So the next day I was excited. I bound down the stairs and inhaled breakfast before running up to brush my teeth and grab my bag. By the time I got back down the door bell rang and my mom grabbed it. Great! Time for some talk about being safe and looking out for others and anything else she could think of to embarrass me. After the, surprisingly, short lecture we were off. He was a very good driver, actually followed the speed limits and traffic laws. Not what I had expected from a male, I thought it was all speed and reckless driving and more speed.

We got to the pool about the same time that Susan and Gary. We saw Brenda and joined them, headed for the chairs she and her current boy toy were saving. I loved Brenda like a sister, but she seemed to go through guys like paper towels. I really did try to follow who broke up with who and why and all that, in the beginning, but after the 3rd or 4th, there were conflicting stories and she showed such little heartbreak afterward it wasn't worth my effort.

We did the introductions and the girls lay out while the guys got in the pool. As it seems to be the norm I read and reapplied sun block on regular intervals and made sure I had some shade close to cower under while the others baked themselves to a dark tan. I was jealous. I never got dark or tan or anything. My options were to stay white or get burnt. I have no idea how I could have lived in the sun for all of my life and still look like I never moved from Forks. Maybe I was a vampire and didn't know it.

Once we were ready to head out Bobby and I went back to his car, I giggled to myself as he took me home, this was nice. I had lots to get done around the house and needed to get dinner going so he dropped me off after a quick make out session and left. Once I got cleaned up, the house picked up, bills paid and dinner going I took a minute to watch some the of news, not sure why. It is just the same thing it always seemed to be about missing persons, some people found dead, most likely gang related and something about another country fighting their neighbor over something.

By then dinner was ready and mom, Phil, and I had a nice meal. Then we started talking about their upcoming wedding and about my 16th birthday. I told them not to do much for me and they said that I had to have some kind of party, it was my sweet 16. I relented to a small gathering of my friends and that was it. The wedding would be toward the end of the month so that I would have a car if they needed help moving things or taking things places or what not. I don't remember my mom's dad and since my grandmother passed some years back and she wasn't close to her sister our side of the family was pretty sparse. Phil had a rather small family also so it was going to be a pretty small wedding.

They agreed to have a minister at the banquet hall where they were having the reception. It would be the standard ceremony and a buffet dinner with beer and wine. I was not allowed to have any alcohol, but I was going to try. Thank god she wasn't going to make me stand up there with her, she had her best friend be the matron of honor and Phil's best friend was his best man and that was the wedding party. After they were going to stay at the hotel and I was going to stay with Susan. They were planning the honeymoon for when I was with Charlie.

Now it seemed all the planning was actually completed, we'll see how it goes. As I cleaned the kitchen and headed to bed I thought about what the future holds. Phil and my mom were spending all their time together, but it was usually here with me. They never said anything, but I could tell it wasn't easy. When Phil left for his away games; it was hard for my mom. He was so much younger than she was, but it made her act younger, feel younger and that made her happy. I shook my head. I decided that this is something I had to think through when I had plenty of time.

For the rest of the summer I went out with Bobby, meet the girls every once in a while, took care of the house work and bills, worked four days a week at the bookstore and read. By the time school was about to start I was glad for the break. But I decided not to quit my job; I was having fun and got a nice discount on books. The only problems I started to see, Bobby was becoming a little distant. Not sure what had changed, but I could feel something was wrong.

By the start of school I was happy. I was almost sixteen and really excited for my mom and it was the last year I would _ever_ have to take a physical education class. That is I hoped that I would finish the class and not die trying, they thought it would be a good idea to add dancing to the list of modern day tortures. I can't walk without tripping over nothing, how do they expect me to dance?

Not surprising I was horrible at dancing and they wouldn't let me out. Cruel and unusual punishment was the first thought that came to my mind, but I suffer through as most of my other classes are going well, except Geometry, finding the angel of a triangle, really, who needs that when they read for a living? I was still hopeful about my career choice. At least English was going well we were reading one of my favorite books.

As my birthday was fast approaching I was elated, aside from being the center of attention. I had already picked up on my mom getting me a car. Or she was getting one for herself and giving me her old one. Either why it meant I was getting a car, something I was sure would not happen. Of course my mom took me to a self defense class. Telling me that if I am going to be out later once I turn 16 then she wants to make sure I can defend myself. Naturally the first thing they tell you is be aware of your surrounds and run if you can. Yeah me run, I would fall flat on my face in two steps. But it was a good class none the less and I thanked my mom for taking me.

On my birthday I was overjoyed, about being able to drive, not about my birthday. There was an extra car in the driveway. As I ran down to grab breakfast my mom beamed at me. Phil was heading out and was telling me good luck. Confused I looked at my mom and she told me she called the school and I was on my way to get my driver's license. Now I was nervous, happy, but nervous. I nibbled the Pop Tart as my stomach did somersaults and I tried to breathe. Once I was ready I jumped in the car and drove to the DMV to take my place in line.

Hours later I finally got to take the test and passed! I am not sure how, but I was able to parallel park, I guess since no one was injured it was a success. They gave me my license to freedom and I drove home glowing. My mom handed me a set of car keys and told me happy birthday. She had given me her old car, and I was ready to go to school. I was hoping to get there before the 2nd bell rang so no one would notice my arrival and I would be on time and walk into class without making an entrance. Fortune smiled upon me as I make it just in time.

That night I had a very small party and a really good time. As demanded I didn't get anything from my friends other than Happy Birthday cards and from Susan a pair of fuzzy dice for my car, I died laughing. By the end of the night I was pleased. Bobby and I took a spin in my car around the block, just so we could make out. But again I got the feeling something was off once we got home, but he didn't say anything and I kissed him good night and headed to bed.

All was well for the next few weeks and then it was time for my mom to get married. She would have forgotten it was her wedding if not for me, I swear this women's brain doesn't work right. Luckily everything went according to plan and it was a lovely ceremony, reception and the food was very good. Once it was over I headed to Susan's.

We just talked for a few hours, about school and work; she was a hostess at a local restaurant now. Then we got to the serious topics. Apparently I wasn't overreacting. Bobby was getting frustrated that our relationship seemed to be going nowhere, i.e. we weren't being more physical, meaning I was letting him go further. I knew I was going to have to think for a while on this. I just didn't feel a connection with him. There was no draw for me. I liked him, he was nice, kind, generous, but that wasn't enough for me to go further, was it?

After another hour discussing this with Susan I had a tough choice ahead. I was beginning to see the easiest thing to do was end it. That seems to be what he wanted if we weren't going to move along at a faster pace. So once we went to bed I decided to debate with myself. I'm not an idiot, girls my age think about sex, a lot I am sure. I mean I do. The only thing is I am not the kind of girl that will have sex for attention or affection. I don't need a male to validate who I am. I am plain and boring and there is nothing special about me, but that is who I am and I am fine with it. I can't see myself making love to a guy that I am not unconditionally and irrevocably in love with. OK so let's not go that far yet; am I OK with other things? Would I mind him touching me? Would I be willing to change who I was and my beliefs and allow him to be more physical with me or me with him? After nearly thirty minutes my decision was made and I fell fast asleep.

"Edward again?" Susan was standing over me. Crap! What they hell was with this Edward character that I read in a book years ago, OK so maybe I have read it a couple times now, but still. It was the same field, but now I was convinced it was in Forks and someone was with me and it appeared to be in the middle of nowhere given my apparent walk through the woods that one night. I wasn't scared although I guess I should have been; whoever I was with I must have trusted with my life, I felt safe.

"It was a really good book and I have read it several times." She looked at me and smirked.

"If there was a boy at school named Edward I would not believe you for a second, however that isn't really a modern name anymore so fine, I'll buy your BS for now. But I am so going to get to the bottom of your little deception." She was smiling so I knew I was in the clear.

I got up and got ready for the day. After breakfast I hopped in MY car and headed home. I cleaned and made a grocery list and headed to the store. By the time I got back Mr. and Mrs. Dwyer, that was going to take some getting used to, were home. I hugged them and congratulated them again and told them I was making something special. My mom smiled and thanked me, then told me Phil's game was changed and he would have to leave tomorrow instead of next week. There was sadness in her eyes that I couldn't help but see and I felt guilty she would have to stay with me.

After dinner I headed to my room to catch up on homework and read. After I finished my homework I read until I fell asleep. I had a weird dream that night. I dreamt about living in Forks with Charlie. He seemed happy that I was there, but I was cold, wet and miserable. When I woke up the next morning I realized that that might be a glimpse of my future. The only way for my mom to be with Phil, her husband, was if she didn't have to be here for me. It looks like I will have to see where her thoughts are while he is away.

As I got ready for school I was rehearsing my plan. I got there and decided to get it over with, sooner the better. I caught up with Bobby before he made it to class; I knew I needed to get this over with so here goes.

"Bobby, you got a second?" He nodded, wasn't really smiling and I hadn't heard from him all weekend, so I guess this is it. "Listen, I think we need to end this. We both want different things and I am not willing to compromise on my end and I don't think it is fair to you." Deep breath, "So what do you say, friends?" It was easier to say than I thought; no tears were forming, not blushing.

"Yeah, sure if that is what you want to do." Still no real smile no indication this was a good thing or bad thing, but it almost sounded like hope in his voice.

My decision was made so, "I'm sure." With that he nodded and we turned to head our separate ways.

I had decided that was the best decision. It didn't take long for me to convince myself laying in bed at Susan's that Bobby was pretty much over this relationship unless I gave him more physical attention. I was in it, but only because it was kind of what I had come to expect, it was comfortable. Once I made that little insight I figured there was no reason for him to feel obligated to stay with me, when I really didn't feel the need to be with him long term. I'll admit maybe I was missing out on something. Susan opened up about sex a little the other night and she seemed to really like it. Brenda was having sex and she said it was the best thing ever, well after her first couple times, but Susan and I aren't sure how many guys she has been with and that worried us. I just wanted to find the perfect man to be with. I didn't want to settle, I wouldn't settle for second best or good enough or a warm body.

Problem was who is the perfect man? Good thing I have English right now because I know what he is talking about and can daydream. Well I would know him when I saw him, love at first sight. My mom always said, don't believe in love at first sight, your eyes aren't that good. But why shouldn't I? Wouldn't my mind know if I saw a great looking guy that had a presence about him, couldn't I look him in the eyes and just know that this is the guy for me. Wouldn't it be primal, almost animalistic in nature to find the right guy, the perfect mate? Whoa, where did I get mate from, I guess animal instincts would fit that notion.

I continued for the entire class to try and think of my perfect man. I came up with old fashion, like the characters in my favorite books. Naturally he would be strong, fast and agile, not to mention dexterous a real athlete, I mean someone has to keep me from falling over all the time. He would be gorgeous, not that I judge a book by its cover, but hey this is my fantasy man, so he would be breathe taking, a living statue, like Adonis. And he would need to smell good, naturally, not that cheap cologne crap half the guys in this school reek of. Loves his family, one thing my mom said, 'see how he treats his family because that is how he will treat you'. And there has to be chemistry, I would have to be drawn to him, like I couldn't live without him. There would be a current between us, a physical reaction to our close proximity. I really hope this love at first sight works both ways because if I found this guy and lost him I would be devastated, like the living dead.

Damn bell. Math is next so looks like my dream man is just going to be that, a dream, nothing more than a mythical creature in my mind. The rest of the day was very much the same. Susan came over and chatted for a second when she heard what I did. Brenda came over gushing about a guy she was with the other day and told me he had a cute friend and since I was single. I cut her off somewhere in there with a resounding NO, but thanks. That night Bobby called and we talked for a while. He wanted to make sure I would be OK if he started dating other people; I had the feeling it meant that he already found someone so I told him, yes, that is why we broke up. After that he hung up and I was off to bed, not having shed one tear.

The story of my life has another carbon copy chapter, fifth wheel for Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas with married mom, Phil and friends, and New Years with some friends, not kissing anyone. The rest of the year went by fairly quickly. Between work and school and homework and taking care of the house and trying all my mom's new hobbies or grand ideas, I was busy. I still did things with my friends and they constantly asked about guys, but I was adamant and honest when I said that none really interested me. Susan smiled in encouragement and Brenda didn't understand, but I just smiled and the conversation would move on.

By the end of the school year I was on cloud nine. I passed and didn't have to take gym ever again. I was heading back to California with Charlie, mom and Phil were going off on their honeymoon and I was going to be a junior. Then reality came crashing down on me at the beginning of the summer, a few days before I left for vacation. I heard my mom crying. Phil had been gone for nearly 2 weeks as they had multiple away games and he wasn't going to be back until the day before they left for their trip. He was going to be tired and sick of traveling before they even left for their honeymoon. This was going to be a big problem for me. I hated it when I made people suffer.


	15. Chapter 14 Revelation

**14. Revelation**

The trip with Charlie was a lot of fun. We did our sightseeing and tours. Also I went deep sea fishing with him, something he has wanted to do. I was very close to losing my breakfast. Then for what reason I am not sure we went for a day hike through the forest. It was slow going as I found every root in the forest to trip on. But Charlie had a really good time and we did go see a few museums and a couple plays. Over all I had a enjoyed my time with him, and it only rained a couple times for a few hours, total. This time when I asked about Forks he told me not much has changed. A few animal attacks in the area, but nothing unusual.

Once I got back from California I finished putting away my things I headed down to find something to eat. As much fun as I had with Charlie it was good to be home. There really is only so much sightseeing and tours and dinners out one can stand before you want to do nothing but lie on the couch and not move for four hours straight. Naturally the animal attack was only exciting news in Forks. Not that I really expected anything to be different. The biggest news in the last 16 years was a family moving into the area, voluntarily.

Mom and Phil were out tonight. So I made something quick and easy and watch a old classic. Heading to bed I was glad it was summer. I was looking forward to my summer routine, which now included a full time job. I agreed to more hours when I got back so I was working 40 hour a weeks. I enjoyed it, it kept me occupied. Now that I had a car I had a lot more freedom. But also was responsible for all the grocery shopping. I didn't mind, it was a comfort zone for me, my little space that I knew what I needed and where it was. I also had to make sure to do my own clothes shopping. I never really enjoyed shopping, it was always a necessary evil, but now that I had to, I liked shopping even less.

As classes were getting closer I felt change coming. I kept picking up things, the way my mom was acting, the way Phil was when he got home. A shiver went down my spine when I remember the nightmare of me living in Forks. And when I thought of my mom crying at the beginning of the summer when Phil was gone to his game.

On the first day of my junior year Phil had to leave for a double away game. He was also looking to get in with another team. Really didn't bother to find out how that worked, but I was pretty sure there were not a lot of teams around here for him to get in with. However there have been whispers of Florida. Not sure when that came about, but I am sure that is going to be a problem.

As requested my 17th birthday had the very smallest amount of celebration possible. For Mr. and Mrs. Dwyer's 1 year anniversary I went to stay with Susan again, Brenda was a little more occupied with her men these days, yes men, she was string along two at the moment and Susan and Gary were still together and very happy. The same time for the second year in a row I found myself talking with Susan about issues that I had. After a two hour conversation that touched on about everything from work to friends to guys to parents to my life in general I was ready for bed, mentally exhausted.

As I lie in bed and look at her ceiling I figured it was time to make a decision. I knew I didn't have to decide right away, it had yet to be brought up, but it was coming and I needed to be ready. I might even have to bring it up myself.

'Mom, I want to move to Forks to live with Charlie and finish out my high school days at Forks High', I cringed. That just sounds like something from a horror flick. 'Mom, I am staying here and you will just have to miss Phil when he is on his away games and if he does get to play in Florida you can go when I leave for college.' Wow, could I be anymore selfish. So let's boil this down to what it really amounts to, make myself unhappy by living in Forks, or make my mom unhappy by having her be away from Phil, a lot. Well when I put it like that, it looks like I am going to need a new coat.

That night I had my cursed Forks dream, but also had that field dream too. I was actually happy, I mean really really happy. I woke up with a start and thought about what I had seen. The field doesn't look anything like anywhere I have seen in Forks, but I remember the dream when I walked there, it was way out in the woods. I was sure that looked like the same type of trees by Charlie's, like the whole area actually. So I must be miserable in Forks then I will find somewhere sunny and warm with grass and a field and someone to make me happy. It was a long shot, but at least there is a small ray of hope that I won't completely hate it. I'll go second semester so I don't miss anything here. As I turned on my side to go back to sleep tears streamed down my cheeks. Decision made, didn't like it, but I was moving to Forks, Washington in January. I just hope it doesn't take me to long to find my angel in the clearing.

The next morning I woke up and got ready. I figure I will need to bring this up soon so by January Renée might believe that I really want to live with Charlie. Susan came in asked if everything was OK. I looked at her and nodded. She gave me the, you aren't telling me everything glance, but let it go. I was really going to miss her. She knew when not to bother me and when to talk or when to yell, if needed. She was a best friend of best friends, damn traitorous tears. She came over and gave me a hug and told me she is hear when I am ready to talk. I smiled and nodded and told her how much I appreciated her.

Once I got home I planned my first ambush when Phil was away. It would be easier to get out and get my mom on board without Phil. Phil would go for it if my mom agrees. If mom argues and says no then Phil won't want to hurt my mom, I guess that is way I needed to make sure this works. Phil can take care of my mom just as well as I can, if not better.

Phil leaves in two days, I need to start thinking of arguments and reasons and lots of rebuttals. Guess it is time to start both of my homework assignments now. For the next two day I do my homework, every time I am not working on school work or at the bookstore I was thinking about what I had to say and what my mom would come back with.

Phil left early in the morning so when my mom comes home I would start slow. I would talk about Charlie, and how he has been alone for so long and I haven't been to Forks in a few years now and kind of miss it. Talk about how Charlie isn't getting any younger and once I go to college, wherever that is going to be, I won't get much of a chance to see him. Besides, it would be nice to spend a birthday and Christmas with him, at least once. Here goes nothing, as I head down to get dinner ready.

After a three hour debate she gave in, but hasn't given up. She has agreed to consider it, but refused to call Charlie and get his hopes up in case I decided in the next few months to change my mind. She has all but convinced herself that it will happen. My decision was made a few days ago there is no going back now, but I let her have this small concession. For the next few days she pretends like the conversation never happened.

Then the night before Phil was to come home she started in again telling me that I really didn't need to go and that her and Phil were getting along fine and the time apart only makes the heart grow fonder and at that point I interrupt. Letting her know that this is something that I want to do and it has nothing to do with her and Phil. Then I pick out a few more arguments about how I don't have a boyfriend and only a few friends so I am not really attached to this area. If they do end up moving it would be easier for me to already be in stable house and settled in school. It is only a year and a half, it won't be that bad, besides I'll be able to come to Florida and dry off over the summer.

I saw a range of emotions on her face, happy and sad being the most prominent skeptical was a close third. I am sure she is ecstatic about being able to go on the road with Phil, but also sad about being without me for a long while. Other than my time with Charlie, we have never been apart for an extended period of time. I smiled and told her it is was I wanted to do, for the millionth time. I wasn't sure if I was trying to convince her or myself at this point.

She finally caved and agreed, but still was not calling Charlie or getting a plane ticket. She wanted me to really think about it before she brought it up gain and if I still wanted to then she'll make the arrangements. I agreed with the request, not letting her know that I had already done all the arguing and thinking in my head. So for the next month life was sailing along, with no gym, my accidents at school were cut by more than half.

Once Phil left on his next away trip I got the third degree, _again_. I finally convinced her it was what I wanted to do and she smiled, nodded and told me I could come home whenever I wanted. Once Phil came home she talked with him and as I suspected he agree with whatever she thought. Then she called Charlie, I had the feeling he was very calm Chief Swan on the phone, but as soon as he hung up he was Dad Swan. I would bet he would tell the whole town his daughter, Isabella, was coming home; I never liked the name Isabella.

One good thing about moving there is we're very much alike in our solitude. Neither one of us needs to talk or do something to keep from being uncomfortable. He also leaves me to my privacy, he doesn't hover, not that my mom is bad, but she is my mom and best friend. And overly observant, I suppose it was a good thing I was a good girl. I doubt I would have been able to get away with anything. If my traitorous blush didn't give me away, she would certainly have pickup up on something to bust me.

Well my plans were set and I would be leaving before the start of the second semester. With the hard part out of the way I was only left with the impossible; convince myself I made the right decision. For the rest of that year I constantly told myself this will be good, this is a good thing, this is for mom and even Charlie. The holiday season was about the same, a few sweaters this year though. I did get a CD from Phil, apparently one of his favorite bands, I never heard of them though and it was a little loud, more of a metal band and not something I had ever been into. As I was saying good bye to my friends on my last day I started crying. I really didn't want to leave. I didn't want to leave Susan, the sun, my mom, my car, OH god I was going to have to ride in the police cruiser, just kill me know. Before I got home I cleaned up and put on my smile.

After I had gotten home that day I cleaned the house and made dinner. The next day was Saturday and I had to go shopping for rain gear and more cold weather clothes. I made a list of what I had, it was a short list, and what I knew I would need and it was a long list. I got out my bags for the trip and started packing the things I knew I wouldn't need until I got there. I emptied my desk of all none essentials and cleaned out my bathroom of excess stuff. Mom and Phil went out that night and it was a good thing because I could not stop the tears from flowing. As I did my last load of laundry and put away my clothes I got into bed, with tears streaming down my face.

That was a very restless night sleep. I tossed and turn, was happy and sad, frightened and overjoyed, and I had no idea the details of the dream. I didn't like not being able to remember my dreams, it was very unusual, and it was almost like it was of something I couldn't imagine or believe to be true. The few times I couldn't remember anything from my dreams I would have déjà vu later. It was like a dream of the future, but couldn't really remember anything about it. I would later remember what the dream was about, when it happened. Like sitting in class with a book open to a certain page and the teacher telling us we were going to have a pop quiz or something like that, but it was always stupid stuff. However, this seemed different, felt different, and I was hoping to find out what it was before it drove me crazy.

The next day I moped. Not around mom or Phil, but took forever in the shower so the tears could fall freely, then spent hours outside reading in the sun. Looking up when the sun was highest in the sky so I could say goodbye to my brightest best friend. I cleaned out my car, but left the fuzzy dice in the glove box. Did a quick walk around and made sure I had everything cleaned and picked up. Then I got ready for dinner.

My last supper, the last night in Phoenix we went to a nice restaurant and ordered enough food for an army. After I ate so much I was sure I was going to have to be rolled out. We got home and I did a once over the house and made sure I didn't forget anything. Satisfied I had everything and was as ready as I would ever be, I went to bed.

It didn't help that night either when I was back in Forks. But it was different; I was happy, genuinely happy and had no idea why. I was reading in my bed like always but kept looking at the window like I was expecting something to just appear in it. The next scene was horrible, everyone in school was staring at me, but it wasn't just me, I felt the presence next to me again, couldn't see anything but there was something, someone. Last was the field, I was standing in the middle looking toward a dark area of the woods, waiting, expecting to see something or someone. I wasn't scared or nervous, I was curious.


	16. Chapter 15 Memories

**15. Memories**

The next morning I woke up to a very bright and warm morning. As I dragged myself out of bed I decided that I had better start acting happy or my mom would not be convinced when I went down stairs. After a very long shower, I was procrastinating, I got dressed in jeans and my favorite sleeveless shirt, a small gesture to my impending departure. I left my hair down so I could feel the heat of the sun on my head as I walked to the car. My luggage was by the door ready for my imprisonment; along with my rain coat, an essential there was laughed at here.

I was glad I lived here, it was a huge city. I could disappear without trying. I blended into the back ground and no one really saw me, I liked that, that was a good thing, I hated attention. I was a klutz, a plain, simple nothing special klutz and in Phoenix no one cared or noticed. However, in Forks there will not be enough people to allow me to blend in. I will stand out like a sore thumb, the Chief of Police's daughter returns to Forks after seventeen years. I just bet that was a headline in the paper this morning, right before deer spotted in town. AHHH, I flopped back on the bed and stared at the ceiling, why does fate have to be so cruel? I know I am doing the right thing, I can feel it, but it doesn't mean I have to like it.

So let me think of what I am leaving behind. No boyfriend, let's face it those never went to well. A really good friend, I will certainly miss Susan and a decent friend, Brenda I'll miss, but we had fallen out of touch here lately. My car, luckily I have been saving my money when I got that job, will need to use it and get a car as soon as possible, I don't want to ride with Charlie. The sun, which is the big one, the warmth and light of the sun I crave like breathing. I can't say I really like shopping, but at least with the big city there were things to do, place to go. Now I will be living in a town with nothing but a diner, a school, and a grocery store.

Can't believe what I have gotten myself into! Get a grip, this is a good thing. Charlie needs me; it has been a long time since he has had anyone take care of him. I bet he still eats out almost every night. I bet he doesn't have any groceries either, guess that will be the first thing to get done. I suppose I will be taking over the household cleaning and most likely bill paying duties as well. OK well this is as much for Charlie as it is for mom and Phil. I can do this, my family needs me. As I sit on the edge of my bed I wipe away the tears and take deep breathes.

With a soft knock on the door Phil asks to chat. Surprised, but I tell him sure. "You don't have to do this for us, Bella. I know you have never been a fan of Forks and I do miss Renée when I am gone, but it isn't that long and it makes our time together more special."

I smiled my best fake smile, "I know, but I am actually looking forward to living there. It is very odd place, like some other planet. Hard to explain, but I think it would be good for me to live with my dad. He needs me and once I go to college who knows when I'll get to spend some quality time with him. Might be the last chance we could sit down and have a decent meal together without me worrying about summer school or term papers or something."

He nodded, not sure if he bought it, but I thought it was almost convincing. He said that we would be ready to leave in a few hours. I nodded as he left the room and shut the door. You know when people that tell a lie have told it enough that they start to believe the lie themselves. Well that is never going to happen in the case. Squishy green blob that is permanently soaked through and will never dry covering the whole stupid area around Charlie's house on another plant and you should need a passport and a mental exam to even go there.

Speaking of I might need my passport, it is close to Canada, might as well get my birth certificate too, might need that for school or to get my driver's license changed. As I headed down the hall toward the little safe in the closet I decided I would go to a school that offers something where I can leave the country. No point in getting my passport for the big international wedding that never happened, but now that I have it might as well use it. It would be nice to be able to go somewhere with a long history or an ancient city, I would like to go to England or Japan; maybe to Italy they have lots of history and arts. It would be nice to visit another country. Of course if I wanted to go to Italy I would have to find a millionaire who could afford to take us both. I chuckled to myself, what kind of person would live in Forks if they had money.

As I open the closet I saw some old photo albums I haven't looked through in years. Checking the time I pulled them out and start looking through them. OK this should be illegal. Who in their right mind would wear clothes like this? I didn't know my mom's hair could get that big; I might have to accidently leave that out for Phil to look at. Not leaving this one, although my mom does look beautiful in her wedding dress and she looks so happy; my dad looks like he is on cloud nine. Well there I almost am, wow my mom was big with me. OH god! Stupid doctors get a blanket I'm cold. These should have been burned! I hate it when parents take pictures of infants naked. I don't see why they think it is cute. It is embarrassing once we grow up and have to look at them, I quickly turn the page. OH look, another naked picture of me.

Wow, Charlie has a really nice smile. I could see why my mom would have been so taken with him. I don't know that I have seen him smile like that since she left him. I always thought he was holding on to hope that she would come back. Guess I'm a little glad I am going up there now that there is no chance, since she just got remarried. Here is one of all of us when we got back to the house, my grandma looks happy. How sad, this is last picture of them together, the day before she left and neither is smiling and I am crying.

OH NO, she has all the school photos and those weird day care pictures in here. Wow I am a boring looking girl; I almost can't even make myself out in half these class photos. Well looks like I might not stand out at Forks. Hopefully the novelty will wear off in a day or so and I can blend in again. I certainly am nothing special so I doubt the new kid fever will last long. I can't believe how pale I am. The other kids look so tan, maybe that is one good thing; at least no tan is required in a sunless town. I'll kind of fit in right off the bat.

UGH, what am I going to do without the sun? Walk around town with a cape and drink blood. Who lives in stupid little town with no sun? HA HA HA, I am sure it hurt back then but seeing myself tripping and having it caught on film is priceless, especially when I can't tell what I am tripping over, nothing, I am sure. Ohh the pain I had to endure. Why would my mom keep photos from ballet when I hated it? Do parents really have no shame? OK, I have got to leave. Can't be much else worth looking at, that I can tell, I was getting older and my mom hasn't been taking pictures for a while. I really didn't do much to give her a reason, no camps, no sports, no dancing or theatrical endeavors, wow, I am a boring.

Now to my original purpose, I opened the safe and grab my passport and birth certificate and head back to my room. As I grab my one and only purse I stuff my passport in the pocket, I heard my mom call my name and knock softly on the door. "Bella, I know you've made up your mind, but if you ever want to change it you…" I cut her off.

"I know mom, but this is something I want to do, maybe even need to do. I just looked through some photos and saw one of Charlie smiling; I don't know the last time I saw him like that." She looked at me and smiled and nodded and slipped out without another word, I hope I didn't hurt her feelings.

I took one more look around the room to make sure I had everything and picked up my back pack. Noticing I was still holding my birth certificate I tossed the bag on the bed. As I opened it to put my birth certificate in I could not help but notice something scribbled in the bottom corner. As I looked at it closer, I slumped on the bed, in defeat, I know knew just how bad this was going to be because I noticed it was my mom's handwriting and there was only one word: _Sunny._


End file.
